Simplicity.

Inexpensive Wedding? Yes, please!

2012-01-19T14:35:00.004-05:00

So if you have been dreaming of a fairy tale princess wedding your whole life that includes horse carriage rides, fireworks, and a three course meal, I cannot help you. But, if you are like me, and you want a simple, inexpensive wedding, I have some tips for you. Weddings do not have to drain your bank account. You just have to be a savvy spender.

Reminder: These tips are for SIMPLE weddings only.

Step One: The location. Locations can be very expensive if you want something fancy. However, if you or your future husband/wife belong to a church, they may simply request a donation to the church or a small fee. Some bigger churches do have set amounts that they charge, so this all depends on your situation. If you do not belong to a church, the best thing to do is to ask as many places that you can about their prices and accommodations. You don't want to miss out on a great deal!

Step Two: The food. Like I said, I am all about simple weddings. I will be having very simple food at my wedding (no big meal -- only finger food). The nice thing about weddings is that you normally have a lot of people offer to help. One idea is to make a list of all the food you would like (fruit plate, vegetable plate, mini rolls, chicken fingers, etc.) and have people sign up to bring certain items. This will definitely help you out! Also, if you use small plates, people are more inclined to grab less food.

Step Three: The flowers. Real flowers are extremely expensive. Fake flowers, which can be found at Michael's, are very inexpensive. I know, I know ... some people stick up their noses when it comes to fake flowers, but trust me, you can find some that are actually very pretty and realistic. The advantage to having a fake bouquet is that you can keep it forever, and it will continue to look just like it did when you said, "I Do."

Step Four: The dress. For me, I wanted my dress to be white and pretty. I wasn't extremely picky like some brides are. Stores such as David's Bridal have $99 sales where dresses that were once $400+ go on sale for only $99. Keep an eye out for sales like this!

Step Five: The pictures. Pictures can definitely end up being one of the most expensive parts of a wedding. Many professional photographers charge $2,000 to $3,000. The good thing is that there are a lot of photographers out there. You may have a friend who will either take pictures for free or cut you a deal. Also, just because a photographer says that their wedding packages start at $2,000 doesn't mean that's your only option. Many photographers are willing to work with you to create a package that you will love and be able to afford.

Something that many people are doing is scheduling a "day after" session where the bride and groom dress up in their wedding attire on a day after the wedding is over (doesn't have to be the exact day after), and they take some pictures just the two of them. This can help a lot because sometimes weddings are so hectic that you don't end up with as many bride and groom pictures as you would like. Also, "day after" sessions are usually pretty inexpensive (no where near the $2,000), so if there is a photographer that you are in love with, chat with them about this option. After all, which wedding pictures are the most important to have? Bride and groom.

And that fake bouquet can definitely come in handy with a "day after" photo session!

Steps To Clearing Up Post-Acne Marks

2012-01-19T14:02:00.002-05:00

Unfortunately, I wasn't one of those people who were blessed with perfect skin. I have battled acne for quite some time, and I have tried so many acne products. A lot of facial cleansers actually work for me at first, but then I end up getting even more new pimples!

I have; however, learned that a few simple things can really help get those post-acne marks to fade away. Today I have minimal marks, and I am very proud of my skin.

Here are my simple steps toward better skin:

Step 1: Destress. Stress is a key factor when it comes to acne, and I think that it is the main factor for my acne. Life can be stressful. There's no real way around that. But you can try to limit your stress and do things that make you happy.

Step 2: Drink water. I mean, drink lots and lots of water. Water is so good for your skin. I have been carrying a big water bottle with me to work every day, making sure that I drink all of it, and drinking water at dinner, and I honestly think that is what has helped make my skin look so much better.

Step 3: Eat healthy. Do you find yourself eating out a lot, especially greasy food? This isn't making your skin happy. Having a healthy diet can definitely make your skin look better. So trade those potato chips for an apple!

Step 4: Use a good cleanser. Like I said above, some cleansers that promise to make your pimples go away will actually just create new ones. I use Neutrogena's Fresh Foaming Cleanser, which is not only great for sensitive skin, but it is also a make-up remover, so you don't have to worry about make-up residue being left on your face. You can find this cleanser at your local Wal-Mart or Target for about $5.

Step 5: Use makeup that is non-comedogenic and dermatologist tested. I use Physician's Formula Healthy Wear™ SPF 50 Powder Foundation, which retails for $12 to $14 at Wal-Mart or Target. This makeup delivers maximum SPF 50 protection and full coverage with a soft-matte finish. SPF boosters and mineral-based sunscreens provide SPF 50 protection without residue or greasiness. The antioxidant blend helps prevent future UV damage and premature signs of aging, and licorice extract and tomato derivatives help brighten skin and diminish the appearance of sun spots.

I have tried many different kinds of foundation, but this one is the best by far. It covers well, is good for your skin, and it matches my skin very well. I am very light skinned, so it is sometimes hard to find a foundation that matches my skin just right. The Traslucent Light Healthy Wear Foundation is perfect for me.

Everything To Gain

2011-07-12T15:13:00.002-04:00

There are always those certain people
Who don’t know what you’re about
But still they go on and judge you
And leave you with self-doubt

Sure, you may not be like them
You may not play by their rules and games
But that doesn’t mean you’re worthless
Doesn’t mean you’re not destined for fame

Just lift your voice
And dance out in the rain
Jump in the fast lane
And let go of all of the pain
Because you have nothing to lose
And everything to gain

So they laugh at you because you messed up
Made a few mistakes down the line
But ‘screw up’ isn’t written on your forehead
You can still turn out just fine

Never change because someone wants you to
Don’t be scared to make your own design
Just keep your eyes on your own journey
And don’t forget to shine

Just lift your voice
And dance out in the rain
Jump in the fast lane
And let go of all of the pain
Because you have nothing to lose
And everything to gain

Just remember
It’s okay to be perfectly imperfect
Yeah, remember
Remember that you’re worth it

All good things take time
And dreams don’t come true in a day
But when they ask you how you made it
You can proudly stand up and say

Just lift your voice
And dance out in the rain
Jump in the fast lane
And let go of all of the pain
Because you when you’re on the road to fame
You have so much to learn
And everything to gain

I'm engaged! :)

2011-05-06T17:38:00.001-04:00

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Photography

2011-01-22T08:42:00.006-05:00

I have always loved photography. Recently, I have been able to put this passion of mine to good use -- and actually get paid for it! I've done engagement and wedding pictures, and I would love to do more.

JKayM Photography
Gainesville, GA

Anna's Limbo

2011-01-07T13:40:00.003-05:00

I watched as Jackson kept his gaze on the gray marble gravestone. It was as if he was caught in a trance – a trance that was lasting well over three hours.

As the gravestone sparkled in the summer daylight, Jackson gently ran his fingers across the name engraved on it.

Anna Gilbert.

I tried to reach out to Jackson. I tried so desperately to touch his face – to embrace him – but all of my attempts failed miserably. After all, I was Anna Gilbert, and I had to face the highly frustrating fact that I was dead. But I wasn’t just dead. Oh no, being dead is simple. I was caught in limbo, a complex place for dead folks who aren’t quite ready to move on yet.

But who really wants to move on? You better believe I wasn’t ready to do so. I was twenty-three years old, and I had only been married for four months. I had a good, stable job, and Jackson, my husband, loved me more than anything. I deserved my very own happily ever after, but apparently fate didn’t agree.

So how did I die? I wish I could answer that. The last few days of my life were gone from my memory when I entered limbo. I’ve tried to figure out what happened – to overhear a conversation about the circumstances of my death – but I haven’t had any luck. Limbo can be tricky. One minute I may be by my gravestone. The next minute I may be in my house. It’s as if I am placed wherever I need to be, which is usually right near Jackson.

I wished that he could see me. I wished that I could tell him that I love him with all of my heart. But, of course, you learn quickly when you are in limbo that you cannot do what you want. After all, you’re not real anymore, and that is very difficult to come to terms with.

As Jackson finally stood up, he remained still and looked down at the gravestone for quite some time. Every now and then a tear would appear at the crease of his left eye, and I would try to stop it as it slid like a river tube down his cheek. Unfortunately, I couldn’t touch anything. My hand would even go straight through my marble gravestone.

Jackson took a deep breath in and turned around to walk toward his car, and like a flash of light, I was back in our home – in our bedroom to be exact. Jackson walked in the room a few minutes after I appeared there.

I love you, I whispered.

Jackson’s tired eyes rested on a photograph of the two of us. He picked up the frame with his right hand and then folded his left hand into a tight fist. He closed his eyes in agony.

“Why you, Anna?” he asked. “It should have been me – not you.”

I ran over to Jackson and watched as his eyes opened slowly.

It shouldn’t have been either of us, I said.

Jackson placed the picture back down and walked over to my dresser. He opened the first drawer, and a crooked smile formed on his face. I didn’t have to look in the dresser to know what he was looking at. It was my goofy reindeer socks. He always made fun of me when I wore them around the house during Christmas.

Jackson closed the first drawer and opened the second. It was my underwear drawer. Even in limbo I had to laugh to myself that he was looking in there. Jackson moved a few things around and noticed a folded piece of paper near the back of the drawer. He took the piece of paper in his hands, and I smiled. Jackson had found a buried treasure.

He unfolded the piece of paper and began to read to himself:

Dear Jackson,

Well, mister, if you have found this letter, you have obviously been snooping in my underwear drawer. Tisk. Tisk. Still, I figured this could be an interesting place where I could hide a secret note to you. We will see how long it takes for you to find it. I want you to know that I love you so much. I love you more than chocolate covered strawberries and the smell after it rains in the summer. And you know how much I love those things. I will always be yours, and I will always be the happiest girl in the world because I am yours. You have such a big heart, and I hope that you never change because the man that I fell in love with is kind, generous, and literally, one in a million.

I will always love you. Forever.

-Anna

As tears began to fall on the piece of paper, Jackson wiped his eyes, sniffed, and looked up at the ceiling.

“I will never stop loving you, Anna,” he said. “I promise you.”

As I heard those words, I smiled, and with a heart consumed with love, I was ready to let go and enter the gates of Heaven.

I'm a College Graduate!

2010-12-11T22:00:00.003-05:00

North Georgia College & State University
Bachelor of Science Degree in Sociology
Magna Cum Laude

Life is Beautiful

2010-11-02T07:42:00.003-04:00

November 2nd is always a day that reminds me of how short life can be. But at the same time it is a reminder of how beautiful and amazing life is. I am extremely blessed. Sure, I'm dreading how hectic the next couple of weeks of school are going to be. Sure, I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to find a job before graduation. But, on the flip side, I have the most amazing boyfriend, wonderful friends, and a great family. Take a minute today to think about the good over the bad, stressful, and annoying aspects of your life and remember that life is something that shouldn't be taken for granted.

Grandmother of Three

2010-09-01T08:28:00.000-04:00

Grandmother of three
With wrinkles on her face
Looks down at her wedding ring
And it takes her back to the place

The place where she met him
On that rainy summer day
She was about to leave
When he walked up to her to say

Excuse me, Ma’am
But I must get your name
I sure would like to see you again
And I really hope you’d like the same

She blushed and giggled
And told him her name
And as his smile grew bigger
Hers did the same

So he took her out one night
And said I think you should know
Just how beautiful your eyes look
Under the soft moonlight glow

And after many moonlit nights
He softly took her hand
Looked her in the eyes
And asked if he could always be her man

The love they shared was different
It was simple and pure
Something that many people
Search their entire lives for

And as she sits here today
Looking back at the past
She looks beside her at him smiling
And she’s thankful true love can last

Tiny Dancer

2010-07-31T14:17:00.000-04:00

Tiny dancer
Eight years old
Tears of ice
Heart of gold
Stares out the window
As she’s told
They couldn’t find the key
To unlock the answers
To set her free
And cure the cancer

Tiny dancer
Prays for another day
And wishes with her little heart
For another way
A way to fight the cancer
A way to cheat death
A way so her parents won’t have to see
Her take her final breath

Tiny dancer
Oh so strong
Knows it won’t be long
Still, she puts up a fight
And dances will all her might
Until the final day
And before her heart stops beating
She stands up to say

Dance in your own way
Give it your all
And never forget
To stand tall
Dream about your future
But hold onto your past
And live every moment
Like it is your last

When Disaster Strikes

2010-06-18T16:36:00.010-04:00

Disaster is like a lightening bolt. You really never know when or where it is going to strike.

We see bad things on television every day, and we hear things from friends and relatives, but we never really think that certain things could happen to us or those that we are close to.

After all, aren't we invincible? It feels that way sometimes. But the truth is that we aren't invincible, and bad things can happen at any moment. My best friend lost her husband this week. He was riding his motorcycle to work, and a truck didn't look and hit him. My friend is three months pregnant.

This still doesn't feel real, and I'm not sure if it ever will. This person was 23 years old. He was loving and kind to everyone, and he was going to be an amazing father. It doesn't make any sense that his life had to end so soon.

You can't take anything for granted in life. We all need to live our lives to the fullest, go after our dreams, and tell those that we care about that we really care about them.

RIP Buck Chapman
April 30, 1987-June 15, 2010

Rejecting Fear

2010-06-14T10:53:00.003-04:00

Fear has a way of creeping up on us. It sometimes even overcomes us. After all, there are so many “what ifs” in life. We fear what we don’t know, what we don’t understand, what we haven’t experienced, and what we don’t want to lose. And sometimes instead of fearing how things could go wrong, we actually fear things going right. Why? Because then there’s a greater risk. Because happiness can be jeopardized. We could get hurt. Others could get hurt.

But at the end of the day, your fears are only as strong as you let them be, and the “what ifs” in life are only as complicated as you make them.

We worry because we care. Because we want things to go right. Because we don't want to mess up. But sometimes we get so lost in worry that we don't see the bigger picture. We forget how right things actually are.

You have to have faith in others, but more importantly, you have to have faith in yourself. Don’t let your fear consume you. Let the little moments of perfection in life override the fear. Think of how effortless and simplistic certain moments can be. Let those moments remind you that anything is possible and that you do deserve to be happy. After all, everyone deserves to be happy. Even those of us who tend to over analyze a little too much.

As Ambrose Redmon says, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

Magic

2010-05-29T08:29:00.001-04:00

We all go through tough times. Life just wouldn’t be life if we didn’t. But we have to have faith that no matter how hard things get there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Despite the fact that my summer is stressful and hectic, I have found my light, and I didn’t think that I would ever find something so magical. I look back on the past four years of my life, and I think about the good, the bad, and the ugly. The funny thing is that I would do it all over again. Yes, I would go through the stress, the heartbreak, and the tears all over again. Why? Because I know now where my life was headed. Sometimes you have to have patience. We see our friends happy and successful and sometimes we wonder why we don’t have what they have. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you just have to wait your turn for the magic to happen :)

Engagement

2010-05-24T15:12:00.007-04:00

On Sunday, May 23, 2010, Brent Patterson drove Caitlin O'Dell up to Tallulah Gorge, keeping the fact that he was about to propose a complete secret. At Overlook Five, he bent down on one knee and told this beautiful and amazing girl that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He then asked her to be his wife. Cait had tears in her eyes as she squeaked out a "Yes!"

...And so they lived Happily Ever After.

The Only Exception

2010-04-30T16:41:00.000-04:00

Not my own, but I like it :)

The Only Exception by Paramore

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, you, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

Reggie Carpenter’s Love Story

2010-04-23T14:14:00.006-04:00

I fell in love for the first time when I was nine years old. Of course, back then, I didn’t really know what “love” was about. I was merely a lanky boy with a goofy grin. Girls made me nervous, but there was one that stood out from all the rest. Her name was Amy Parker, and there was something about the way she smiled at me that made my own smile extra big. But Amy wasn’t perfect. She had a hyena-pitched voice that got on my last nerve, and her pink glasses were huge, but in my heart, I knew that the freckle-faced blue-eyed girl was something special.

It wasn’t Amy Parker that made me believe in true love, though. I learned that from a simple story my grandfather, Reggie Carpenter, told me when I was only nine years old. Even though my grandfather is long gone now, his true love story still sticks with me today. And as I sit here with a little black box in my hands, preparing to ask Amy Parker to be my wife, I am reminded of being nine years old and listening to the story…

“True love is simple,” my grandfather said as he tapped me gently on the head. “You just can’t go and make it complicated – that’s the key.”

“Your grandmother sure was beautiful, but she was stubborn, too. We met when we were nine years old, and oh boy, she really hated me at first.”

“Girls can be mean like that,” I said.

My grandfather shook his head in agreement.

“But despite how she felt about me at first, Claire and I eventually became best friends,” he said. “She was the only person that I felt like I could really talk to about things.”

“What things?” I asked.

“Oh, you know, the important things,” my grandfather said. “Life related things.”

I nodded and let him continue his story.

“I watched your grandmother date Dumbo and Crooked Eye, and I just sat by and hoped that she was happy,” he said.

“Dumbo and Crooked Eye?” I asked with a laugh.

My grandfather chuckled.

“That’s what I called them,” he said. “Their names aren’t important; they weren’t good enough for her anyway.”

“I also dated a few different girls back then,” my grandfather said as he cocked his head to the side.

“Hhhmm,” he said. “I can’t seem to remember their names either, but regardless, the girls that I dated were sweet, but they were nothing compared to your grandmother.”

“Claire was different. There was something special about her that I can’t describe. The woman drove me absolutely mad now and then, but for the most part, she was caring and gentle, and she accepted me for me, despite all of my imperfections.”

“So that’s how you knew you were in love?” I asked, my eyes big with anticipation for an answer.

“Yep,” my grandfather said. “I mean, it took a while for it to actually dawn on me, but I told you it was simple.”

“But how did you tell her that you loved her?” I asked.

“Now that … well, that took some time,” my grandfather said with a sigh. “I guess you could say that it took me thirteen years to get up the courage to tell that woman I loved her.”

“Wow,” I said. “So how’d you tell her?”

“I can remember it was lightly raining one night when I was driving her home from a movie or something. It was probably late July or early August, and we stood on her mosquito infested front porch for a while and talked about this and that.”

“And? And?” I asked.

“Hold your horses, boy,” my grandfather said. “I’m getting there.”

“As Claire and I were talking, I can remember looking in her eyes and thinking about how much I loved her. I mean, I knew that I loved her for quite some time, but for some reason that night the feeling was strong, and I knew that I couldn’t live another moment without asking her to be mine.”

A gleeful feeling rushed through me as I listened intently.

“I continued to look in her eyes, and I said, ‘I know this may be too forward, but I can’t wait anymore. I love you, Claire. Will you please be mine?’”

“What did she say?” I asked.

My grandfather chuckled with joy.

“She reached her arms up and embraced me tightly,” he said. “Then she whispered in my ear, ‘Yes, Reggie. I thought you would never ask. I love you, too.’”

“That simple?” I asked, and my grandfather patted me on the head again.

“Yes, Austin,” he said. “That simple.”

As I recalled the simple story, I couldn’t help but smile.

Thank you, Reggie, I said silently. You prepared me well for today.

With the little black box in my hand, I left my apartment to go see Amy Parker. I hid the box in my pocket for the perfect moment to arise.

I was a nervous wreck as we ate dinner at a tiny Asian restaurant in town. My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and I’m sure Amy was wondering what was wrong with me.

As we took a walk and watched the sun sink down at a nearby park, Amy looked me in the eyes, and I knew that I couldn’t love someone more. I didn’t want to wait another moment. I had to ask her to be mine forever.

So I pulled the little box out of my pocket, got down on one knee, and I said, “I know this may be too forward, but I can’t wait anymore. I love you, Amy. Will you please be mine forever?”

Amy’s blue eyes twinkled, and she wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace.

She then whispered in my ear, “Yes, Austin. I thought you would never ask. I love you, too.”

I kissed Amy gently, and a big goofy grin formed on my face.

You were right, Reggie, I thought as I looked up at the sky. True love can be simple.

Carley’s Almost Last Thought

2010-04-06T18:21:00.003-04:00

“Tell me what happened, Carley,” Stephen said, his eyes staring into hers sympathetically.

“It was like my life flashed before me,” Carley said softly.

Her mind was like a puzzle. All the pieces were scattered about, and she was having some difficulty putting them together.

“Did you think you were going to end up hitting her?” Stephen asked as he touched her arm gently.

Carley’s mind flashed back to what happened only an hour before. She was driving home from campus and a woman in a red Jeep pulled out right in front of her. Carley pushed down on her horn and swerved as quickly as she could while slamming on her brakes. The car squeaked and smoke came out from her tires. Carley could smell the burning rubber scent right away. But she didn’t hit the Jeep. She was perfectly fine. It was a miracle.

“What went through your head, Carley?” Stephen asked as his friend tried to organize her thoughts.

He then snorted out a small chuckle.

“I bet you thought about your final exams, huh? That would be like you. You’re about to die, and you still worry about your grades.”

“No,” Carley said. “My finals didn’t cross my mind.”

“Okay, what about how much you hate your job?”

Carley stared at the ground and choked out a small chuckle herself.

“No, Stephen, I didn’t think about how much I hate my job.”

“What about your novels?” Stephen asked. “I bet you were worried that if you died they would never get published.”

“That never hit me.”

“Hhhhmmm … did you think about how if you died you would never officially graduate from college?”

Carley shook her head in a “no” response and looked up at Stephen.

“You know, I could have thought about my grades,” she said. “I also could have thought about my final exams and graduation and how much I hate my job. But I didn’t…”

Stephen looked at Carley curiously, and she sighed as she recalled her exact thought right before she thought she was going to plow into the red Jeep.

Carley bit her bottom lip in apprehension.

“Stephen,” she said. “The thing that crossed my mind was you.”

One Year Older

2010-04-04T13:24:00.002-04:00

I’m officially 22 today. Wow, that’s weird to write. Time definitely soars by quickly. I’m reminded today that we cannot forget to cherish the little things that life offers us. I get so caught up in school and work that I sometimes forget about what really matters. What is that? Happiness. After all, achieving the best grades and getting the best job won’t mean much if I’m not happy. Thankfully, I have some amazing people in my life that make me feel very special and give me a reason to keep a smile on my face. I have a hectic summer ahead, but I know that I’ll be okay. I’m sure that this year will yield many surprises, obstacles, and triumphs, and I’m ready to experience them all. Still, at the end of the day, I am very thankful to my friends who make all of the difficult parts of life completely worth it.
I love love love all of you.

Spring Break

2010-03-20T18:23:00.006-04:00

Amacolola Falls
Amacolola Falls Cait and Me in Athens
Random shot I took while in Athens.
Flower from the Botanical Gardens in Athens.

Epic Love

2010-02-27T11:54:00.005-05:00

Sometimes days go by so fast
And life is like a quick hourglass
But sometimes the days drag on
And it’s like I’m pulling myself along
Just trying to survive
Just trying to stay alive

But I turn to you
And it’s like all my dreams can come true
Suddenly the days aren’t so bad
Suddenly my world isn’t so sad
With you, my life turns from foggy to clear
Because, with you, there is nothing to fear

And when the moon is still bright
Lighting up the black velvet night
And I’m letting go of the horrors of the day
I know that I’ll be okay
And as I wish for a better tomorrow
On every star in the sky
Thoughts of you cross my mind
And everything is alright

Because you make my fears drift away
And somehow you always know the right thing to say
No matter how bad things get
You lift me up and make me forget
You make me believe that happiness is out there
You show me that there are people who care

And how do I deserve this?
Someone who brings me so much bliss?
You’re like a dream, not reality
But I’m glad that you are here with me
Because this is what dreams are made of
Yeah, this is epic love

And when the moon is still bright
Lighting up the black velvet night
And I’m letting go of the horrors of the day
I know that I’ll be okay
And as I wish for a better tomorrow
On every star in the sky
Thoughts of you cross my mind
And everything is alright

Eric Birmingham

2010-02-14T14:50:00.002-05:00

I’m not sure why random snip-its keep coming to me, but they do. Maybe the writer side of me is telling me that I need to write another novel. I would love to do so – I just don’t have the time right now. So, for now, here’s another snip-it. I’ll let your imagination come up with a middle and ending.

Eric Birmingham

It all happened so fast – too fast.

One minute Eric was driving down Becker Street to go see Samantha, and then the next minute his car was on its back in a ditch.

Eric had swerved as a deer ran out in front of him, but in that attempt to save the frail creature, he almost lost his life.

Eric woke up in the hospital a few hours later with a throbbing head.

“Samantha,” he said softly, as his eyes flickered open.

“She’s on her way,” a woman said.

Eric didn’t recognize the woman’s voice. He blinked and realized a nurse was staring at him. It was then that he realized where he was.

“You’re going to be fine,” the woman said reassuringly.

Eric started to remember what had happened.

“There was a deer…” he said.

“You should rest, Mr. Birmingham,” the nurse said.

“But Samantha…”

“She will be here soon,” the nurse said and exited the room.

Eric wished that the pain in his head would go away. He silently cursed the deer.

Maybe I should take up hunting as a hobby, he thought.

Eric then let his focus go back to Samantha. He yearned to see her face – to touch her hand. Being in a hospital room was making him feel nauseous and close to death. Samantha would make him feel real and alive again.

But when Samantha appeared by the door, Eric wondered if he was in heaven.

After all, she was as beautiful as an angel.

Valentine’s Day

2010-02-14T14:49:00.001-05:00

Sure, it’s sweet and fun and special – when you’re in a relationship.

But Valentine’s Day can be a day of terror for those who are single.

I’ll admit, I joined in with all of the hype last year, and it was fun. After all, I had someone special to spend the entire day with. But this year, I am single, and I’m realizing how much it sucks to be single on Valentine’s Day.

Why is there a holiday designated to reminding us single folk that we’re alone? That’s just cruel.

Today I will be spending my time studying and writing obituaries. So, yes, you could say that my only “Valentine” would be the dead folks that I write about. Pretty pathetic, eh?

But, at the same time, I know that today will eventually be over. By tomorrow I won’t have to turn on the radio and listen to “blah blah blah Valentine’s Day” anymore. I’m thankful for that.

And although I do not have a Valentine this year, I do not feel completely sad because I have loved another with all my heart before. Some people go their entire lives without being able to say that they’ve done that.

I think that we all want something epic – something that is special and unique. But, to me, something epic can be something simple like standing on a front porch until 3 a.m. because you just can’t say goodnight to someone. That’s epic. And I’ve had that. Maybe someday I will have it again.

But for now, I’d rather Cupid keep his distance. He isn’t exactly on my good side right now.

To all you single folk out there: Don’t worry, tomorrow is another day. But, whatever you do, don’t try and go look for love. It will find you when the time is right.

Dear Emily

2010-02-13T15:54:00.001-05:00

Like many girls out there, I love Nicholas Sparks. I admire how he can make a love story so pure, and no matter who the characters are or what they have been through, they are always easy to relate to.

So here’s my little snip-it with Nicholas Sparks “flavor.” It’s not something that I’m going to continue working on, just something that I randomly felt like writing.

Dear Emily

Damon placed his pen back down on his dimly lit desk and crumbled the piece of paper in front of him into a ball. He then turned toward his trashcan and tossed the paper ball its way.

He missed.

Damon sighed and left the paper ball where it was. There were two others already near it to keep it company. Damon turned back to the new, clean sheet of paper that sat in front of him. Everything that he wanted to write was jumbled together in his mind. His thoughts were like a massive puzzle that he didn’t know how to put together.

Damon reached his hand up and ran his fingers through his brown hair. He exhaled slowly and grabbed the pen once again. He fiddled with it for a minute, tapping a beat on the side of his desk. Damon then shook his head, trying to stack up his thoughts into an organized tower.

It didn’t work, and he sighed in frustration. He knew there was so much to write, but he wanted to write everything in the correct order. He was a perfectionist.

Damon leaned over his desk and prepared to let his thoughts leak out.

He scribbled “Dear Emily” at the top of the paper. It was quick and painless. He got through that part without any torture.

But his hands began to feel clammy and his heart started to pound as he wrote the next line:

I’m still in love with you.

Here With Me

2010-02-12T11:01:00.002-05:00

You were perfect in my mind
And I still wish I could rewind
To those epic days with you
And I wonder if you’d rewind, too
Oh, you were everything to me
But now you’re just a memory

Still, I can’t get you out of my head
I keep hearing those words you once said
Forever – you and me
This is our destiny
And I can still close my eyes and see
You here with me

You were different, unique
And there was nothing about you I would tweak
All I wanted was to be with you
And show you that my love was true
But it was the distance that dragged us apart
Like a knife, it cut a whole in my heart

It was the look in your eyes
When we said our good-byes
Oh, it hurt me inside
I said I was okay, but I lied
You said you were alright, but you cried
And quickly my whole heart died

Still, I can’t get you out of my head
I keep hearing those words you once said
Forever – you and me
This is our destiny
And I can still close my eyes and see
You here with me

At least I’ve witnessed love that’s real
At least I’ve allowed myself to truly feel
And even though you are far away
The good memories are here to stay
I won’t let them leave my mind
Even though I know we can’t rewind

Still, I can’t get you out of my head
I keep hearing those words you once said
Forever – you and me
This is our destiny
And I can still close my eyes and see
You here with me

Strong Now

2010-02-06T15:42:00.006-05:00

Her memories are like crystal glass
Broken yet clear
Her memories come and go so fast
But she’ll always remember her fear

She tries to lock up the angst of her past
And she prays those horrible memories won’t last
She wants them gone forever
And she blocks out the image of his face
She knows she can never go back to that place
Where he planned to hold her down forever

But she’s strong now
Because it’s been a long time now
Since she finally broke free
And it’s like she’s awaken
Yeah, she’s awaken
And she can see clearly

As she paints her nails blood red
She remembers the last words that he said
And she shivers
Because with every painful bruise and mark
He made her world gray and dark
And she kept silent

His drunken words led to hurtful tears
He had been the center of all her fears
And she just took it
She told herself it wouldn't last for long
She kept quiet and believed he would soon be gone
But he wasn't leaving

So she knew her silence had to break
Because his strong arms were too much to take
She had to get away
So she told herself she wouldn’t let him control her
And she was so tired letting him own her
So she ran away

And she’s strong now
Because it’s been a long time now
Since she finally broke free
And it’s like she’s awaken
Yeah, she’s awaken
And she can see clearly
She can finally see clearly

Beautiful, Wonderful

2010-02-05T17:14:00.000-05:00

He drops a white rose by her grave
And the tears begin to fall like waves
He places his fist on the stone with her name
And he can’t help but wonder if he was to blame

But he knows he couldn’t have saved her
Because there still isn’t a cure
And the way that it all ended is still a blur
But he closes his eyes and pictures her
Years ago and still full of life
She was beautiful, wonderful
She was his wife

He drives and drives to clear his mind
When really he just wishes he could rewind
Rewind to a day that actually feels real
Rewind to a day when he could actually feel

As the moon appears, he gets drunk on her memory
So drunk that he struggles to see
And the tears lace up his eyes
As he drops the bottle and continues to cry
Oh, he feels like his whole heart has died

But he knows he couldn’t have saved her
Because there still isn’t a cure
And the way that it all ended is still a blur
But he closes his eyes and pictures her
Years ago and still full of life
She was beautiful, wonderful
She was his wife

He would have done anything to be her saving grace
Now he would do anything to see her face

But he knows he couldn’t have saved her
Because there still isn’t a cure
And the way that it all ended is still a blur
But he closes his eyes and pictures her
Years ago and still full of life
She was beautiful, wonderful
She was his wife
Oh, she was his wife

A World Apart

2010-02-05T15:44:00.001-05:00

She opens her journal and writes down her thoughts
But all the writing in the world won’t replace her loss
She looks up and wonders if he’s out there
She touches her necklace and hopes he still cares
Slowly her eyes close and her dreams appear
They take her to a place where she has nothing to fear

He walks outside and glances up at the sky
He feels the cool air as he watches time pass by
And his longing heart starts to beat fast
As he dreams of being in the past

And suddenly they’re face to face
Actually in the same place
Their love is stronger than ever
A love that will never sever

Yeah, they’re two lovers that are a world apart
Both fighting to hold onto what’s in their hearts
They won’t let the distance break their bond
For in their dreams they are together as one

He knows that he has to fight
And he can’t show any fright
But he’s scared of losing himself
Because he doesn’t want to lose her
And she wants him to come home
She’s so tired of being alone

Still, they both dream of being free
Free to make new memories
Free to exist in each others arms
Right where they’re supposed to be

They’re two lovers that are a world apart
Both fighting to hold onto what’s in their hearts
They won’t let the distance break their bond
For in their dreams they are together as one

Looking Forward

2010-01-16T16:23:00.002-05:00

I realize that it has been quite some time since I have actually "blogged." I think I avoid writing things about my life because a) I always have too much or too little to say, and b) I don't want to jinx anything. But I figured you faithful readers (because I'm sure there is at least one of you out there) deserved an update. To put things simply, life is hard. It comes with twists and turns, some of which we are not ready for. I know that a lot is going to happen this year, which scares me to death. Between my internship, graduation, finding a "real" job, and applying to graduate school, I have a lot on my plate. But I've learned recently that I am good at multitasking compared to most people. I guess, at the end of the day, my greatest wish for this year is to simply be happy. Stress is going to follow me around like my own shadow, so I want to be sure to have things in my life that keep me smiling.

So, here's to 2010 -- may it be a year filled with many wonderful memories :)

You Gotta Love Random Snip-Its

2009-09-04T15:24:00.005-04:00

Here are two very random and different novel snip-its.

Yes, I have more novels on the way.

SNIP-IT ONE:

“I still love you.”

The four little words jumped off her red lips like an Olympic diver jumping off a diving board.

They came out quick, but he happily absorbed them in silence. He was too busy looking her over and smiling on the inside to say anything. He gently touched her arm -- just to be sure that she was real.

She searched his eyes and awaited the consequences of her words. It had been so long since she stared into those green eyes of his.

But had it been too long?

He gently pushed her auburn curls out of her face and smiled. He reached down and kissed her red lips carefully, and as he pulled away, she watched a small tear glide down his face.

She thought back over all of the events that lead her to that moment, and she felt a rush of exhilaration. After a trip down a long and twisted road, she was right where she was supposed to be.

SNIP-IT TWO:

Jane saw the good in Nathan.

Yeah, she saw a part of him that he didn’t even know he had.

But eventually the angel mask came off.

To her, Nathan was still price charming – everything she wanted.

And yet, there was a sudden source of anger inside of him. He started to talk to her with cold words, and she wondered why he had to be so bland.

Why was it that he seemed to not care about anything? Was something wrong or broken? Had she done something wrong?

Or was that just his normal state of mind?

It took a while for Jane to realize Nathan’s secret.

She then wished that she hadn't tried to solve the puzzle.

To Find Yourself

2009-08-15T14:33:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it doesn’t get easier
No, sometimes it only gets harder
And sometimes you have to go farther
Farther then you’ve ever gone
And sometimes reality
Just doesn’t feel like reality
It’s as if you’re caught in a dream
Like you’re stuck in a trance
And you’re just waiting for something to feel real
But sometimes it’s just hard to feel
Anything at all
And sometimes you have to lose yourself
In order to find yourself
Yeah, life is a twisting road
It turns and it ends
But then sometimes it bends
To something new
Oh, sometimes it doesn’t get easier
But that doesn’t mean it has to get harder
Sometimes you just have to go a little farther
To find yourself

Impasse

2009-08-05T18:41:00.004-04:00

He told her she should keep away
Yeah, he told her she probably shouldn’t stay
But he loved her more than ever
He didn’t want her to feel the pain
No, he didn’t want to be the one to blame
For her worry

As time passes by
He continues to try
To keep his mind at ease
But the doctors say the time is near
And she’s there to wipe his wishful tears
From his face

What if your life was an hourglass?
What if your existence was at an impasse?
What if you wanted to leave in peace?
What if you didn’t want others to feel sad?
What if you still wanted to live so bad?
What if you had to wish for a miracle?

He looked her in the eyes
Wishing they’d never have to say their goodbyes
But the cancer still spread
Still, with every passing day
He continued to pray
That he could have more time

He still tried to make her smile
And laugh every once in a while
But he also made her promise
Promise that when he did die
She’d remember the good times and refuse to cry
No, he didn’t want her to cry

What if your life was an hourglass?
What if your existence was at an impasse?
What if you wanted to leave in peace?
What if you didn’t want others to feel sad?
What if you still wanted to live so bad?
What if you had to wish for a miracle?

So she held on to her pride
When she got the call that he had died
And she just looked up at the sky
She loved him with all her heart
She was hoping they’d never be apart
But he was gone

Still, she remembers their wedding day
And how she couldn’t remember what to say
After the preacher spoke
And she remembers all those silly songs
That he’d get stuck in her head all day long
And she thinks of him and smiles

Oh, how he made her smile
And laugh every once in a while

October

2009-08-04T16:13:00.009-04:00

She watches him sleep
And she knows she's in too deep
Sure, he was sweet at first
He was just like prince charming
But now he's alarming
And her heart is about to burst

She plans to run away
She knows that she can't stay
'Cus he'll continue to hurt her
Yeah, he has his hand on her heart
And he's tearing it apart
Her life is such a blur

She can't wait for October
No, she can't wait for the pain to be over
She's so tired of the bruises
And the heartache
His strength is much more than she can take
Even when he's sober
Yeah, she keeps praying for it to be over

She has to stand tall
Even though he makes her feel so small
She wonders if he'll even care
But once the leaves turn to brown
She's not letting him hold her down
No, she's out of there

She leaves with sunglasses
Covering her black eye, to please the masses
But her smile is bright
Yeah, he had his hand on her for so long
So much time has come and gone
But she's won this fight

Yeah, she's out of there

But it was hard to wait for October
Hard to wait for the pain to be over
She was so tired of the bruises
And the heartache
His strength was much more than she could take
Even when he was sober
Yeah, she's so glad it's over
She's glad it's finally October

Endless Lies

2009-08-02T17:50:00.006-04:00

Yes, please protect me
Tell me all the lies
That softly cloud your eyes
And don't fake cry
As you leave
No, it's not a sad good-bye

Your words were a twisted puzzle
I knew the confusion all too well
Yes, I could always tell
She was on your mind
Sure, you were with me
But it was her that you'd see

You can have her
Yeah, it's okay
It doesn't matter anyway
Because you'll regret this
And I'll be fine
I don't need you to be mine

I saw right through the lies
I was already over you
Yeah, I can lie, too
And prince charming is right around the corner
It's too bad, so sad, but yeah, it's true
She's already going to leave you

Moving On

2009-07-31T16:43:00.003-04:00

I'm officially done with Gainesville State College. Yes, this should bring about feelings of accomplishment and pride, but I feel more bittersweet than anything.

I am suddenly aware of the fact that I am getting older. When you are in high school it feels like you will be stuck there for your entire life; the same thing happens with college. Even though I am no where near finishing my degree(s), I am faced with one of the horrible facts of life: things change.

I'm noticing how not only my life, but the lives of others as well, will be changing this fall. This also makes me realize that in a year and a half (when I will hopefully be done with my bachelor's), everything will be changing again. People will graduate. People will get new jobs. Some will move far away. Some will get married. So where do I fit in with all of these changes? And where will my friends fit in? There are some people in your life who you just assume will always be there, but what if they're not? What if they get offered a good job in Texas? Or what if they get married and move to Las Vegas? Anything is possible.

Yes, I know I am dreaming up way too many "what if's" but it's bound to happen. I like control, and I fear big black question marks. But, at the end of the day, I know that I can't have everything planned out. It's impossible. So what can I do? It irks me to take things one day at a time because I desperately want to know what the future holds. But, then again, fate has a pleasant way of surprising me sometimes. So I guess I shouldn't be too eager. I wouldn't want to ruin a good surprise.

So what can I do for now? I can try and distract myself from all of the questions that are filed away in the back of my mind by reading/watching Twilight and Taylor Swift music videos, which, to be honest, is a good distraction from everything. Eventually changes will be made and a new "norm" will be established. But for now, part of my brain is going to live in Twilight's version of Forks, Washington and a Taylor Swift music video. It's what I need right now.

Like An Ocean Wave

2009-07-22T16:20:00.000-04:00

I fade away like an ocean wave
Because that’s how it needs to be
And he stands there on the moonlit sand
But he can’t bear to watch me

The sky turns to velvet black
And the stars, they shine so bright
I fade faster, deeper
And soon, he’s out of sight

The current gets stronger
As I shed each longing tear
I’m all alone
With everything to fear

Only the blanket of black
And the stars in the sky
Are there with comfort
To try and help me get by

But once the darkness fades
And the sky turns back to blue
A boat appears with him aboard, and I hear
“I couldn’t let you go, I love you”

Crossroad

2009-07-17T17:22:00.003-04:00

Everyone experiences it. Those points in your life when you have to move on from something that has, in one way or another, made a great impact on your life.

I'm about to leave Gainesville State and move on to North Georgia, and I can't help but feel a little bittersweet about the transition. I've been at GSC for three years now (yes, I was only "supposed" to be there for two). The campus has become like a second home to me, and unlike high school, when I was ready to leave after my freshman year, I am genuinely sad to be walking away from this unique place. Sure, people look down upon it. I've heard "Oh, you just go to Gainesville" more times than I've wanted, and I've watched as shocked expressions have formed on people's faces when they learn that I chose GSC instead of UGA ... or Harvard.

GSC has helped me grow as a person and learn to stick up for myself and what I believe in. I've had professors who I have loved; I've had ones who have challenged me. I've also had professors that I've stood up to, pissed off, and also, earned their respect and admiration by doing so. I will never forget the e-mail that I received from one professor telling me that he's sure I'll get my Ph.d in something one day. Well, I can't make any promises, but I definitely wouldn't mind being Dr. Messer (even though I will probably never like my last name.)

I walked onto campus the other day for my 3-hour Social Problems class, and I walked past the spot that I sat in when I interviewed Professor Tom Deitz, an acclaimed author and professor. I remembered how he felt so bad because he accidentally spilled his coke on my notes. I also remembered how two years after that interview, I was writing his obituary.

I've gained so many memories during my time at GSC. I've met many interesting people, and I was reminded of that the other day as well as I stood in the hallway, waiting for Room 103 to clear so that I could enter. I met someone who is now one of my best friends while standing outside of that room over a year and a half ago.

I also have had the privilege of helping another friend of mine, who is more like a brother than a friend, enter Gainesville State. I helped him apply, and I even went with him to his orientation. It's been fun having him there during my last year at GSC, and despite what he says, he's going to do just fine without me.

So yes, it is bittersweet leaving GSC. I can't imagine my experience at North Georgia being better than the time that I have spent in Oakwood, but we'll see.

Only time will tell.

Short Story

2009-06-02T17:58:00.009-04:00

Here's a short preview of a short story that I've started working on. I'm trying to get back in the writing groove :)

(Sorry if it's a little too morbid for your taste.)

Count Me In
By: Jennifer K. Messer

“You better be careful,” Isabella’s father said as he watched the evening news in the living room. An almost-empty bag of potato chips was sitting on his lap.

“Yeah, yeah,” Isabella said from the kitchen.

“I’m serious!” her father yelled, turning around as he spoke. “This killer means business, and he’s after girls just like you!”

Everyone knew about the California killer by that point, whether they wanted to or not. After all, there were people talking about him on the news every night. The killer had already chosen three victims: Casey Alexander, a sophomore at Brenton Tanner University, Jessica Peters, a Junior at Smithton State, and Ashley Marson, a freshman at Donaview Women’s College.

The authorities believed that the killer was going after college girls with “success stories.” All three of the lost girls were on their way toward making a difference in the world. Of course, what does “lost” really mean anyway? These girls weren’t lost. They were brutally murdered. The killer would shoot the girls in the arm or the leg – some area that would only leave them wounded – not dead. Then he would perform horrible tasks on their bodies after raping them.

Casey was going to be a doctor, Jessica wanted to go into politics, and Ashley was hoping to be a marine biologist. Now they’re all gone.

Isabella was a twenty-year-old college student living in the same area that Casey, the first victim was killed in. The hopeful teacher/novelist watched as her friends avoided going out because they feared that they would be the next victim. Unlike them, Isabella didn’t think she had anything to worry about.

Isabella was sitting in her college algebra class the next night, listening to her teacher ramble on and on.

When will this be over, she thought. I don’t even need math. I’m going to be an English teacher.

Despite the fact that Isabella was released from class a few minutes late, the class did finally (and thankfully) end. Isabella looked at her watch, which said 9:45 p.m. She walked outside and crossed the street to get to her blue Toyota Yaris.

But something wasn’t right.

Isabella walked up to the side of her car and sighed in frustration.

Great, she thought. A flat tire.

As Isabella leaned down to look at her tire more closely, someone quickly came up from behind her and stuck a cloth over her face. Isabella tried to scream but nothing came out.

Rusty Idea

2009-05-28T17:17:00.002-04:00

So I thought my idea for this fall would be a good one. I was going to change my work schedule to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and agree to write as many articles as they can toss at me on top of the obits and kitchen inspections, so that I would end up having decent hours. But I'm realizing that this may not be the best idea.

You see, people don't realize what comes with obituaries. Phone calls come with obituaries. Sure, there are days when I have maybe only three or four calls, but a large percentage of my time is filled with talking to funeral homes, some that I know and some that I don't know about the obits. Then I get calls from family members who are either upset or filled with questions, and sometimes they continue to ask the same question over and over because they don't like my answer. All of this takes time. Writing the obits takes time. People don't realize this because yes, there are days when I sit around with hardly anything to do, but then there are days that I feel like I'm about to go crazy.

I just don't know if I can handle dealing with writing the obits, all of the phone calls that come with them, AND writing stories all in the same day. And oh yeah, I also have to answer Linda's phone when she's not around. Once again ... that takes up time. I really wish that there was a job out there that would be perfect and great, but I know, especially with the economy, that there is not ... at least not right now. Which leads me to another point ... this isn't what I want to do with my life. I realized that a long time ago, and I wish that I didn't have to stay here, but what are my other choices? I don't want to go back to retail and only get 5 hours a week.

Either way, I'm not looking forward to August. I have a feeling I'm going to be locked up at work every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Good-bye weekend life.

Plus/Minus ... Haven't Done This In A While

2009-04-30T17:03:00.004-04:00

+ It's almost Friday.

- I have a final on Friday.

+ The evil editor isn't here today.

- I'm still stuck at work.

+ I have a Dr. Pepper Cherry.

- It has 260 calories in it. :(

+ The weekend will be here soon.

- I'll be studying for more finals ...

+ Next Wednesday will be my last day of finals.

- ...It's next Wednesday.

+ I get to hang out with Juan next week.

- It's supposed to rain almost every day next week.

+ I may actually have all A's this semester.

- I probably just jinxed myself.

+ I'm hoping to get to hang out with everyone after finals are over :)

Big Black Question Mark

2009-01-12T16:26:00.005-05:00

Lately, I've been having bad dreams at night and pleasant daydreams when the sun is actually out. All of these dreams continue to consist of things that haven’t happened and people I don’t know.

So why is this happening? What is fielding the scary and unpleasant dreams that I have at night?

I know the answer. It’s what has been in the back of my mind for a while and what will continue to lurk there until I get the answers that I need this summer. This fall currently yields a big, black question mark. Sure, I know which college I will be at, but I have no idea what my schedule is going to be like, and I’m pretty sure that by that time, I will have a new job.

Change has always scared me. Of course, this is not only change ... it’s a BIG change. I’ve been in the comforting arms of Gainesville State College for almost three years now (yes, that makes me feel a little pathetic that I’ve been there THAT long, but oh well), and now I’m going to be moving on to a school that is very different.

I’ve talked to people who have left Gainesville and gone to different schools and so many of them talk about how they hate their new university, and they wish they were back at GSC.

I already know that this will be me next fall. Although some people talk about GSC being “Just Gainesville,” I have had a very rewarding and wonderful experience there. Yes, it has been difficult. Yes, I have had professors that I’ve disliked with a passion. But I’ve also made a few very good friends, learned interesting things not only in class but also about myself, and I’ve had some very cool professors that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

I know that it’s time for me to move on. I want to be successful next fall, and I don’t want the idea of change to get to me. I also would like a good job, and that scares me because I have NO idea what I’m going to do, and I REALLY don’t want to go back to retail.

I guess what I’m struggling with is the fact that all I can really do is wait. I have to wait until next fall to actually experience what it’s like at a new school. I have to wait until this summer to be able to sign up for classes, which will then tell me if I need to quit the job that I’m currently at and look for a new one with a different schedule.

I don’t like waiting … or question marks … or the bad dreams that have been haunting me.

So even if I can’t have the answers that I need right now, hopefully I can find some peace of mind … soon.

***

"Hold on, baby, you're losing it

The water's high, you're jumping into it

And letting go ... and no one knows

You cry, but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile

But you're coming undone"
~Taylor Swift

Right Here

2008-09-24T16:53:00.004-04:00

Sometimes it's very difficult to get up in the morning. Your alarm goes off, you turn it off, and then you wish that you could just stay in bed for a few more minutes. Of course, you know you can't do this because there is a 99% chance that you will fall back to sleep, but still, it's a nice wish.

Then, as the day goes on, little annoyances happen ... you're running late ... you couldn't get your hair to behave ... you forgot your umbrella, and it's raining like crazy.

Then the BIGGER annoyances may occur ... you're late to class ... you fail a quiz you studied your butt off for ... your boss asks you to do extra things at work.

But then you finally get home, and you can sit in your room and just relax. Yes, you actually RELAX. And suddenly, all of the bad parts of your day dissolve, and you remember what's good in your life.

Okay, so most people don't actually take the time to think about everything that's good in their life, but lately, I've been doing this. We waste our time way too often. We have to remember that we only have one life, and it could end too quickly. I don't want to watch today or tomorrow or even three years from now go by with just thoughts of what went wrong. I don't want to be frustrated all the time, and I don't want to sweat the little things that will be forgotten in three days. And to be honest, I know that I am very blessed. I'm in college, and I ain't stupid. I have a job that yeah, doesn't pay much, but it works for me right now. And I have friends and the most amazing boyfriend who I know is always there for me. Now that's something to smile about at the end of the day :)

"Here"
Rascal Flatts

There's a place I've been lookin' for / That took me in and out of buildings / Behind windows, walls, and doors / And I thought I found it / Couple times, even settled down / And I'd hang around just long enough / To find my way back out / I know now the place that I was trying to reach / Was you, right here in front of me / And I wouldn't change a thing / I'd walk right back through the rain / Back to every broken heart / On the day that it was breakin' / And I'd relive all the years / And be thankful for the tears / I've cried with every stumbled step / That led to you and got me here, right here / It's amazing what I let my heart go through / To get me where it got me / In this moment here with you / And it passed me by God knows how many times / I was so caught up in holding / What I never thought I'd find I know now, there's a million roads / I had to take / To get me in your arms this way / And I wouldn't change a thing / I'd walk right back through the rain / Back to every broken heart / On the day that it was breakin' / And I'd relive all the years / And be thankful for the tears / I've cried with every stumbled step / That led to you and got me here / In a love I never thought I'd get to, get to - here / And if that's the road God made me take to be with you / And I wouldn't change a thing / I'd walk right back through the rain / Back to every broken heart / On the day that it was breakin' / And I'd relive all the years / And be thankful for the tears / I've cried with every stumbled step / That led to you and got me here / And I'd relive all the years / And be thankful for the tears / I've cried with every stumbled step / That led to you and got me here, right here / Oh, got me here

Cloud Nine

2008-07-14T15:38:00.003-04:00

I'm currently sitting at the top of a hill watching the sunset. It's perfectly beautiful.

Okay, so I'm not really sitting at the top of a hill watching the sunset. I'm actually at work, writing about dead folks. BUT I can say that my life is completely wonderful right now. It's definitely comparable to a beautiful sunset.

I am so content and happy with everything that I have in my life, and I hope to hold onto it for as long as possible.

Amazing things happen when you least expect them to. I'm sure you've heard this to the point where you're like "yeah, whatever," but I'm telling you, it's true. I'm really starting to believe that certain things (the good and the bad) will lead us to where we're supposed to be.

And I really believe that where I am now is where I'm supposed to be :)

It's Just One of Those "Wow" Things...

2008-07-11T10:34:00.007-04:00

I’m having writer’s block. So please don’t judge my writing ability based on this blog, and get ready for some rambling…

It’s not that I don’t know what to say, it’s just that there are a million and one ways in which I could go about saying it, and I’m not sure which route to take. After all, you can only say so much before you reveal too much. Part of me wants to hide in a corner while the other part wants to dance in the rain.

I just finished writing a novel about my life, and I think I could actually write another one now. Believe me, I am normally not this interesting, and the thing is that I never expected this year to even have a shot at a happy ending. Well, the tables do turn every now and then. It’s so funny how things work out. How something completely horrible can actually lead you to something amazing. And then you have to wonder if you would have ever gotten to where you are if the horrible events had never occurred. For me, I don’t think so. This, my current state, just wasn’t in the cards because of other circumstances.

Still, I’m so happy right now, and I didn’t think that I would be this happy for a very long time. The past is completely in the past now, and I want to move forward with this new life of mine. I’m a difficult person to befriend. After all, I’m a big ball of stress the majority of the time, and my insecurity level is about as big as Texas. But, I don’t know. I’m feeling a lot better about life. I’m trying to find a balance between everything. And at the end of the day, this is me. I’m a crazy, insecure, feminist, sociology major who thinks way too much. You can like me or not. That’s up to you.

When my emotions are going bonkers, it’s very hard for me to write. There’s a lot of dancing going on in my head right now, and I just can’t keep up.

But I’ll keep trying…

I’ve always been a slightly isolated person. After all, the more you isolate yourself, the less chance you have of getting hurt. Well, I finally got up the courage to put my heart on the line almost a year ago, and it ended up breaking like glass … all of the shattered pieces left for me to pick up.

I then told myself that I couldn’t date for at least two years. After all, I should have my bachelor’s degree by then (hopefully). Plus, I like the image of Jennifer Messer that I have in my head. I like people thinking of me as "the girl who wrote two books" or "the advice giver." I don’t want to be the girl with a ton of failed relationships. Yes, I know that I shouldn’t care what people think. But still, once again, it’s so much easier to be alone.

But life has a funny way of hitting you upside the head at the most random times. Still, I’m afraid of making the wrong decision, even though I think I know what the right one is. Everyone keeps telling me to take my time, which I like to think that I am. I don’t want to get hurt, but at the same time, how can you let something pass you by when it just seems to fit so perfectly?

I guess you could say that I’m trapped in a state of wow. Wow, this is happening. Wow, it just seems right. Wow, I’m happy. Wow, I don’t want to lose what I've gained.

I'm insecure. I'm nervous. I can see the edge of the cliff, and I keep staring at it, but I’m not sure what’s beyond it. Only time will tell.

On that same note, I feel like Elizabeth from Pirates of the Caribbean, and I’m being told to walk the plank. Am I ready to hit the water? Will it be freezing cold or will William Turner pop up and somehow randomly rescue me?

That was an odd example, but I was just staring at my movie collection, so it came to mind. And hey, I’m having writer’s block, remember? So you have to cut me a little slack.

I have to laugh because the past month or month in a half has taught me so many things, and I like to think that I’ve become a better person. I’ve regained the faith in people that I had once lost, but I’m not saying that people aren’t complicated and confusing. Oh yes, people will always be complicated and confusing.

Still ... I laugh. It’s funny how people can have the same thoughts chained up in their heads, but they’re afraid to let them out.

That's okay. For now, here's to another day of smiling...

What Matters Most

2008-07-10T16:20:00.002-04:00

When it comes to life, what matters the most?

Is it the amount of money that your bank account says that you have? Is it the number of friends that you have on facebook? Is it your successful career that even Donald Trump would be jealous of?

No.

So many people try so hard to get certain things (a great job, money, popularity among others) that they forget about all of the little things that make life worth living. Sometimes these people forget about the small things to the point that they actually lose them completely. That's because people become so absorbed in achieving their goals, which can be anything from obtaining the degree that they've been working for or scoring the promotion that they've been sucking up to their boss in order to get.

Now, I'm not saying that having high standards or big dreams is a bad thing. I think that's great, but I also think that you shouldn't let one thing (whatever that may be) run your entire life.

The world is a hectic place nowadays. We have to be organized to get where we want to be in life, but sometimes, we have so many lists running through our brains concerning things that we need to do that we actually forget about everything else.

So what is it that REALLY matters?

Well, it's simple. Hold onto whatever it is that makes you smile. After all, without that, what is life? A bunch of lists? Yeah, that's intriguing. Life shouldn't just be about lists and trying to do this and that. If that's all that you put your heart into, then you're not living your life to the fullest.

Practical

2008-07-07T14:12:00.008-04:00

I've always been a practical person. It wasn't until after high school that I actually made a few choices without thinking them through over and over again.

But you know what? I like being practical. I like doing what's right for me, and I like protecting myself from inevitable hurt and pain.

My life has changed. I like what I have going right now, and I definitely don't want to lose what I've gained over the past month.

Of course, at the same time, I want to be careful. Even the thought of taking a chance scares me to death because I don't want to get hurt. And more than that, I don't want to end up in the same situation that I escaped from not too long ago.

Luckily, everything that I've been through has made me stronger. I WILL NOT let anyone walk all over me ... push or pressure me ... or try to turn me into something that I am not. Not again.

But what happens when you find yourself in the middle of a situation that you definitely didn't expect to be in? I feel like I'm caught in limbo. But then again, I think I live in limbo. After all, it's safe here, and I like safe zones.

So how can I distinguish what's good for me from what's bad? Are there rules that I should follow? Or do they not even matter anymore?

I've learned that sometimes people are like chameleons. They can hide the bad well enough for you to fall for the good in them. Of course, you also can't let other people influence your decisions or the thoughts that are going through your head. Lately, my head has been full of thoughts ... this and that about life, school, and people. I'm in need of a new filling cabinet up there.

Of course, the number one thing that worries me is this upcoming school year. I'm taking 17 credit hours this fall and almost the same in the spring in order to graduate. Can I handle this? Will I actually be able to maintain some type of a social life? Right now I picture myself being locked up in the library all year. I want time for other things, but it just doesn't seem possible.

On the flip side, life usually has a way of showing us what we should do ... or can do ... even if it means jumping into water where there may be a few sharks. It's then up to us to dodge them.

Well, here goes nothing ...

Life, if you're listening, give me a sign and show me the way ... I'm ready.

Is My Nose Too Big?

2008-07-03T16:52:00.002-04:00

Insecurities. It's funny how we let them make us so self-conscious.

And sometimes what we consider to be wrong with ourselves, someone else may not even notice.

For example ... I have a friend who is insecure because he thinks that he has big lips and one of his teeth has a little white speck on it. I never think about these things when I look at him, and I'm sure other people don't either.

I think a lot of people tend to notice what's attractive about a person before what's unattractive. For example, this friend of mine that I'm speaking of has very beautiful eyes. (I'm serious, Matt, you do, and I will tell you that time and time again.)

I had another guy friend ask me today what girls think of facial hair ... whether it's a good thing or not. Honestly, I can't picture a girl saying that a guy isn't cute just because of this lack off (or too much) facial hair. Of course, there are those nerdy guys on Beauty and the Geek with really long beards, but anyway, I highly doubt that girls are going around and judging guys based on their facial hair. Most girls are looking for a nice smile or eyes instead.

So ... what's wrong with me? Well, I hate my skin for starters. If I ever come back in another life, I want to have blemish free skin. But I once had a co-worker of mine tell me that when he looks at a girl, he doesn't pay attention to acne if she has it. So maybe I'm insecure about that for no reason.

So the next time you look in the mirror, think about the good before the bad. More than likely, all of the little flaws that you think you have are either invisible or not a big deal to other people.

Novel Number Four

2008-06-27T16:42:00.002-04:00

So I've decided that it's time that I get my writing career moving again. I have now written four novels, and two of them are published. I really want to find an agent for book three and four.

Here's a brief synopsis and excerpt from my fourth novel ... "Over You."

Over You
By: Jennifer K. Messer

Riley Spyropoulos (a.k.a Riley Spy) wanted to be a nun. Well, not really, but she never wanted to date. After all, life was easier being single because this way, no one could ever break her heart. Of course, this didn’t stop people like Hunter Pearson from trying to change Riley’s mind. Once Hunter leaves for boot camp, Riley realizes that she actually cares for him, and despite her beliefs on dating, she knows that she can’t ignore her feelings.

As Riley finally lets her guard down, she finds herself falling in love for the first time. But Riley quickly learns that falling in love doesn’t always yield a fairytale ending, and the relationship that she thought could last forever, ends a little too soon.

Suddenly Riley must gain the confidence she has always been lacking, learn how to be single again, and most importantly, let go of the boy next door.

***

Okay, this is probably the most random excerpt that I can give you, but I just love this part and find it very funny ...

Friday, July 4

“I have a special gift for Lani,” Emma said, as she reached into her purse.
“Ooh,” Lani said. “A gift?”
All of us girls were eating dinner and celebrating Lani’s final night as a single woman.
“Here you go…” Emma said, tossing a straw into Lani’s iced tea.
“Ahhh!” Lani exclaimed, and Holly, Kristina and I started to laugh.
A proud look formed on Emma’s face.
Lani touched the straw, which was shaped like … well … a penis.
“I really have to drink through this?” she asked.
“Yep,” Emma said.
“Is it safe?”
“Lani, you’re not going to get a disease if you drink through the penis straw.”
Kristina looked disgusted.
“Can we hide that thing?” she asked. “I think it’s staring at me.”
“The penis straw is not staring at you!” Holly exclaimed.
“But the waiter is going to think that we’re freaks,” Kristina continued.
“Who cares?” Emma said. “He’ll probably just laugh … if he even notices it.”
Kristina shook her head disapprovingly, and Holly grabbed the penis straw out of Lani’s glass.
“It’s gonna get you! It’s gonna get you!” she said, waving the straw in front of Kristina’s face.
“Get that thing away from me!” Kristina shrieked.
Lani was laughing hysterically.
“You girls are insane,” she said. “But I love you.”
“And we love you, too,” Emma said.
“Yes, I feel your love,” Lani said, looking at Emma. “I mean, no one has ever bought me a penis straw before.”
“They’re hard to come by,” Emma said. “You should feel special.”
“Oh … I do.”

My Town Is WAY Too Small

2008-06-26T15:14:00.001-04:00

People surprise me.

It seems like it’s getting difficult to pick out those I can trust from those I can’t.

After all … People lie. People cheat. People manipulate others. People don’t really care about you; they just care about themselves. And some of these people do it all with a smile on their face.

It seems like the town in which I live is getting smaller and smaller. After all, everyone seems to be connected somehow. For example, I know Susie because she is the cousin of one of my friends, or I know Bob because he once dated one of my friends.

It’s crazy. How did my town get this small? And whom can I trust? Not only that, but who can I get close to? Because isn’t there some unwritten law or code of friendship? That you shouldn’t be connected to certain people because of their relations with others? Maybe that was just in my head.

But still … Who is trustworthy? Who can I get close to … but not too close? Who should I avoid completely? Or should I just avoid everyone?

It’s all very confusing. I think moving to another town would be easier.

I need my faith in people to be restored.

I'm Sorry ... I Forgot That I Loved You ...

2008-06-12T15:42:00.002-04:00

I'm losing faith in people in general. It seems like even the kindest ... smartest ... most successful people are starting to lie, cheat, and even "forget" about the people that they love when they're gone for a period of time.

What is happening to the world? How can we truly trust anyone anymore?

Honestly, it's scary. It's hard enough for me to trust people on a normal basis, but now it seems like every day I'm hearing about someone treating someone else horribly or unfairly.

What about self-esteem? Do people just not feel bad or rueful anymore? Are we going by the theory of "well, everyone else does it ... I might as well, too?"

And what about standing up for what is right? What about caring for other people's feelings and well being?

People need to start thinking before acting and consider not only how they could inevitably hurt themselves but other people as well.

If you really love someone, let him or her go ... Then you can go and do all of the stupid things that you want.

And The Semester Ends ...

2008-04-30T18:25:00.002-04:00

This semester has been different from all the rest. For starters, I've never taken this many classes, and I've officially (and finally) changed my major. But one thing that has come to my mind recently is the fact that I haven't really made friends in college that I've held onto. The only person that I actually kept in touch with after a class ended decided that a particular fight back in January was enough to break up and end our friendship. Of course, for a span of so many months, she was my best friend. I've met a few new people this semester, two of which really stick out in my mind, and I'm almost afraid because I don't want to lose them like I've lost other friends. College isn't like high school. You're not stuck with the same people for four years; you're with them for a couple of months and then it's over. Sure, that can be good, but not when you've made a connection and you don't want to lose them. There are so many people that I've talked to in different classes that I never spoke to again once the class was over. I know that this is bound to happen. After all, life goes on and people get busy. But I don't want it to happen this time around. I'm tired of losing people whether it be because of a silly fight or because you're not stuck in the same room for 90 minutes three days a week anymore. So what can I do? Try to keep in touch. Try to make plans. Try to not let myself get too busy for people. Try not to get into silly fights. Like I said, this semester has been different. Even the people have been different. So I hope keeping in touch works this time around.

Limbo

2008-04-08T17:18:00.003-04:00

Ever feel like you're living your life but certain choices that you've made in the recent past have been chosen for you? Ever feel like if you actually had enough courage, everything would change?

Sometimes life is like limbo. You become torn between the life that you're living and the life that you really wish you had.

So why is it so hard to break out of our shells and try to get what we want?

Because sometimes it's easier to just stay where you are. This way, you can't get hurt. This way, you can't hurt other people.

This way, you're not taking any chances.

But what is life without taking chances? You're never going to get anywhere if you don't try. But what do you do when trying seems too hard? When you're afraid to be alone? When you want to tell someone how you feel, but you know it could change everything, and you don't want to lose them?

That's when you're in limbo. Sure, you can force yourself to be content with this life, but deep down you know what you'd really like your life to be like. And the thought of how happy you could be if everything actually worked out the way that YOU want can haunt you.

But still, you stay where you are. Because it's easier. Because it's safer....

When You Love Someone / Bethany Dillon

2008-03-23T20:14:00.002-04:00

This morning was a fight to get up / Those words still ringing in my head / Never felt like such a fool in front of anyone / I guess that's what you do when you love someone / I was in Nashville, you were driving home / I wish I'd been in the passenger seat / I just needed you to know that I'm coming undone / That's what you do when you love someone / If I fall, I'll try a little harder and get back up / Please stay by me, love / That's what you do when you love someone / That's what you do when you love someone / Just give me time, if you need more / There's no way to ever really know / How to protect yourself or predict the outcome / But you'll do anything when you love someone / You'll do anything when you love someone / If I fall, I'll try a little harder and get back up / Please stay by me, love / That's what you do when you love someone / That's what you do when you love someone / I just hung up the phone / You've got a way of changing my day / You proved me wrong / When I was convinced I was alone / Yeah, that's what you do when you love someone / If I fall, I'll try a little harder and get back up / Please stay by me, love / That's what you do when you love someone / That's what you do when you love someone

And Sometimes The Bad Brings The Good

2008-03-20T16:47:00.002-04:00

I've learned that sometimes we have to experience the worst of the worst before we can move on and be happy. But sometimes this is for the best. The worst can actually help us. It can answer our own questions and show us what it is that we really want.

So, ironically, I am thankful for the bad times that I've been through and the words that have been said to me. Now I feel relieved and liberated. I know that I can move on and be happy and not look back and wonder, "What if?" I am now 100% certain that moving forward is the right choice for me.

I've learned a lot about life and people recently. Sometimes people let you down. Sometimes you let others down. You have to be careful with who you trust. People are fragile. We hurt. We bleed. We laugh. And we cry. I don't like to see people in pain. And I definitely don't like it when good, sweet people get screwed over (pardon my language).

But that's life. Sometimes we take chances. Sometimes we trust the wrong people. And sometimes they end up showing us that all they are is scum.

For future reference, listen to your instincts. Don't continue to trust in someone or something if it doesn't feel right or if you're questioning the situation.

Like I said, I don't like to see good, sweet people get screwed over.

Morbid Thoughts

2008-03-19T16:43:00.003-04:00

If you were to die tomorrow, what would you want to accomplish today? What would you say to your friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, ex's, siblings, parents...? And the list goes on...

I know it's extremely morbid for this to even pop into my head, but I'm honestly surprised that I haven't thought of it sooner considering I do write about dead folks five out of the seven days of the week.

I hate making decisions. I hate when the fate of things is in my hands. I'm hardly ever certain of what it is that I really want when it comes to certain things, and I'm even worse at actually going after these things when I do.

So what am I certain that I want? A good, happy life. A successful career. A book of mine on a shelf in a bookstore. A clean house. A puppy.

And how will I get all of this?

In a way, I feel like the only way that I will get what I want is if I get there on my own. People distract me. I let myself get too absorbed. I learn to love them, and I forget about loving myself. These are some things that I need to work on.

Of course, the decisions that I make today can affect me tomorrow. And I can't help but wonder if I were to die tomorrow if the people that I love would know the truth.

Yes, some peculiar thoughts have been running through my head.

I feel like I'm caught in limbo. I feel like I'm Lorelai Gilmore. I feel like something is missing. I feel like something big needs to happen. And soon.

The List

2008-03-18T16:32:00.002-04:00

30 Random Things That I Want To Do (not in any particular order):

1. Give “Catch Me When I Fall” to Professor Strickland, and inevitably get it published!
2. See one of my novels on a shelf in a bookstore.
3. Graduate from GSC.
4. Graduate from NGCSU.
5. Go to New York.
6. Go to Hawaii.
7. Go to Nashville (how random).
8. Vote.
9. Make a difference in someone’s life.
10. Write a novel that “makes it.”
11. Have my own advice column.
12. Buy a house.
13. Get a dog.
14. Shadow/Intern with a wedding photographer.
15. Tour CNN.
16. Go to the Georgia Aquarium.
17. Touch a dolphin.
18. Spend the entire day at the beach.
19. Coach a young girl’s soccer team.
20. See a Broadway play.
21. Go to a concert.
22. Go to a Braves game.
23. Go rock climbing (inside rock climbing), and take a picture (so I have proof).
24. Go to the laser show at Stone Mountain Park.
25. Get a telescope.
26. Ride in a hot air balloon.
27. Watch the sunset while sitting at the top of a mountain.
28. Complete my “four surrounding states” photography project.
29. Make a speech without feeling like I may die.
30. Continue volunteering with the Gainesville Parks and Recreation and volunteer with Rape Response or another organization.

Being "Motherly"

2008-03-17T16:03:00.002-04:00

I think that sometimes we have to, in a way, "mother" ourselves. Sometimes we have to make big decisions, and although we would love to chose one road, deep down we know that the other road is much safer, and inevitably, it's less bumpy for us to ride on.

Sometimes we have to protect ourselves from getting hurt or from making a decision that could lead us to pain. This doesn't make us weak. It doesn't mean that we're not living our lives to the fullest. It just shows that we know ourselves well enough to predict what we can or cannot handle or what is good verses what is bad for us. I'm sure that this gibberish isn't making much sense, but it's how I'm feeling right now.

Lately, all of my thoughts have gone to the blog that I now share with Cait, but this is more personal, and hey, I can't forget about this place. I mean, after all, I've only been blogging on here since 2004 ;)

Life has been ... well, there's not really a word to describe it. I just deleted about a paragraph's worth of words because I don't like to get too personal even on my own blog. I guess the bottom line is that sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is what we need. But then again, sometimes we have to push ourselves to create this change. I need to keep going in the direction that I've been in for the past two weeks. I need to eliminate the want to look back. Because the "mother" in me is telling me that going forward is the right thing to do ... it will bring me the most happiness ... and the most success. And this is one of those times when I know that I have to listen to my own motherly advice.

Jewel - Stronger Woman Lyrics

2008-03-05T15:08:00.001-05:00

I guess you could say / I'm one of those girls / that's always been with one of those guys / you know the type / like right now he sleeps while I write / But it's better than crying / worn out from trying / from loving a man who always makes it clear / I am not welcome here / Just till he's horney or hungry or needs something clean / you know what I mean / But not tonight / Cause come the morning light, oh / I'm gonna love myself / More than anyone else / Believe in me / Even if someone can't see / The stronger woman in me / I'm gonna be my own best friend / Stick with me till the end / Won't lose myself again / never, no / Cause there's a stronger woman / a stronger woman in me / light bulbs buzz / I get up / and head to my drawer / wish there was more / I could say / another fairy tale fades to grey / I've lived on hope / Just like a child / walking that mile / faking that smile / all the while wishing my heart had wings / well tonight I am gonna be / The kind of woman I want my daughter to be / I'm gonna love myself / More than anyone else / Believe in me / Even if someone can't see / There's a stronger woman in me / Won't lose myself again / never, no / Cause there's a stronger woman, a stronger woman / this is me packing up my bags / this is me headed for the door / this is me / the best you ever had / I'm gonna love myself / More than anyone else / Believe in me, even if someone can't see / There's a stronger woman in me / I'm gonna be my own best friend / stick with me till the end / Won't lose myself again / never, no / Cause there's a stronger woman, stronger woman / There's a stronger woman in me

Where Would You Be / Martina McBride

2008-02-29T14:07:00.001-05:00

I wonder where your heart is / Cause it sure don't feel like it's here / Sometimes I think you wish / That I would just disappear / Have I got it all wrong / Have you felt this way long / Are you already gone / Do you feel lonely / When you're here by my side / Does the sound of freedom / Echo in your mind / Do you wish you were by yourself / Or that I was someone else / Anyone else / Where would you be / If you weren't here with me / Where would you go / If you were single and free / Who would you love / Would it be me / Where would you be / I don't wanna hold you back / No I don't wanna slow you down / I don't wanna make you feel / Like you are tied up and bound / 'Cause that's not what love's about / If there's no chance we can work it out / Tell me now / Oh, tell me tell me now / Where would you be / If you weren't here with me / Where would you go / If you were single and free / Who would you love / Would it be me / Where would you be / Have I become the enemy / Is it hard to be yourself / In my company / Where would you be / If you weren't here with me / Where would you go / If you were single and free / Who would you love / Would it be me / Where would you be

Medium

2008-02-26T18:21:00.002-05:00

Sometimes we try too hard. Sometimes we don't try hard enough. But how often is it that we actually find a medium? It seems like for me I'm always trying too hard. Does that even make sense? How can you try too hard? And I'm not just talking about trying too hard at school or even work, just in life in general. I've had someone tell me this recently, and I know that it's true, but at the same time, I don't know how to stop. When you want something, you're going to do what you can to get it and keep it, right? So you're going to try hard. So what exactly qualifies as too hard? And how do you take a step back when you're trying too hard? I guess those of us who do try too hard for things are either insecure or scared that we're going to lose something. But can you blame us? That's why we're trying so hard. We don't want to lose what we've worked so hard to have.

My Take on Valentine’s Day

2008-02-13T17:28:00.002-05:00

For some reason, Cupid and I have never seen eye to eye. I’ve always had horrible luck on Valentine’s Day. I’m not sure why, but it all started in high school when one embarrassing moment after another happened on one Feb. 14th. I’ve also never actually had a “Valentine,” so I haven't had a reason to like and/or participate in this holiday. Well, now I have a boyfriend, and I will admit, I’ve been sucked into the Valentine’s Day crazy world a little, but I still think that it’s stupid for people to feel as if they have to go out and buy a singing stuffed gorilla in order to show their sweetheart that they love them. Yeah, that part of Valentine’s Day is not me. It’s like Valentine’s Day has become a time when you have to spend money on stupid, meaningless items just to say, “I love you.” Whatever happened to just saying it? … I love you. It works, too. And it means more than a stuffed gorilla. Now, I can understand the fact that you’re significant other works very hard, and so you would like to spoil them for a day with gifts, etc. And that is okay to an extent (because after all, I am guilty of doing this); however, at the same time, save some gifts for their birthday. Remember, Valentine's Day is about the BOTH of you. So … I vote on Valentine’s Day being a day when you simply spend time with your significant other. Get creative, people. This year, don’t make the stuffed animal companies happy by getting the signing gorilla, okay?

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone :D

To "Lose" A Friend

2008-02-12T18:08:00.000-05:00

What does it really mean to lose a friend? Have they died? No. Moved to another country? No. Most of the time they're just not in your life anymore, and so in that case, you have "lost" them. But how is someone lost when they're really still there? Friends are hard to find, and true friends are impossible to forget. It just doesn't make sense to me how one day someone can be completely and eternally in your life, and then poof! The next day, they're not. And then you've officially "lost" them. But once again, they're not really lost. They're still out there. Still tangible. Still breathing. But we're human. We all seem to have too much pride and stubbornness and even stupidity to go and find the things that we want once they're lost. Nah, it's easier to just move on and find something new, right? Maybe. But not when it comes to true friends.

Guarantee

2008-02-05T18:15:00.000-05:00

Ever wish that you could be guaranteed that you will make at least one million dollars at some point in your life? What about a guarantee that your children will grow up happy? That you’ll never lose that special someone? That’s the thing about life – there are no guarantees. And why should there be? After all, that would make life easy, and as we all know, life is supposed to be anything but easy. I was thinking about how much stress would be lifted off of me if I could have some form of a guarantee for the future. There are so many questions that I won’t have answered for so long … What career will I end up pursuing? Will I get my happily ever after, or will I end up single with a bunch of cats? Will I publish another novel? Will I have children? These are all questions that I not necessarily want the answer to, but I wish that I could have a guarantee that they will all work out okay. So how do we deal with the fact that life has no guarantees? We have faith. And hope. And the confidence that we can overcome whatever obstacles face us. But what if we’re insecure? Well, then we have to wake up every day and try a little harder. So that's what I'm doing. I'm trying a little harder every day, and I'm hoping that I'll gain more confidence. Maybe then I won't need a guarantee.

New Music: Sara Bareilles

2008-01-12T13:09:00.000-05:00

Love Song
Sara Bareilles

Head under water / And they tell me to breathe easy for a while / The breathing gets harder, even I know that / You made room for me but it’s too soon to see / If I’m happy in your hands / I’m unusually hard to hold on to / Blank stares at blank pages / No easy way to say this / You mean well, but you make this hard on me / I'm not gonna write you a love song / 'Cause you asked for it / 'Cause you need one, you see / I'm not gonna write you a love song / 'Cause you tell me it's / Make or breaking this / If you’re on your way / I'm not gonna write you to stay / If all you have is leaving / I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today / Today / I learned the hard way / That they all say things you want to hear / My heavy heart sinks deep down under you / And your twisted words, your help just hurts / You are not what I thought you were / Hello to high and dry / Convinced me to please you / Made me think that I need this too / I’m trying to let you hear me as I am / I'm not gonna write you a love song / 'Cause you asked for it / 'Cause you need one, you see / I'm not gonna write you a love song / 'Cause you tell me it's / Make or breaking this / If you’re on your way / I'm not gonna write you to stay / If all you have is leaving / I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today / Promise me you'll leave the light on / To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone / 'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me because I say / I won't write you a love song / 'Cause you asked for it / 'Cause you need one you see / I'm not gonna write you a love song / 'Cause you tell me it's make or breaking this / Is that why you wanted a love song / 'Cause you asked for it / 'Cause you need one you see / I’m not gonna write you a love song / 'Cause you tell me it's make or breaking this / If you’re on your way / I’m not gonna write you to stay / If your heart is nowhere in it / I don’t want it for a minute / Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that there's a reason to / Write you a love song today / Today.

Happy 2008!

2008-01-01T16:25:00.000-05:00

So ... in all honesty, 2007 was a pretty amazing year. It will definitely be difficult for 2008 to top it, but I would love to see that happen. I'm not going to make a complicated list of New Year's Resolutions that I know I'll end up breaking eventually. To sum things up easily, I just want to hold onto everything amazing that 2007 has given me. I'm more than content with my life right now, and I desperately do not want it to change. So Happy 2008 everyone. I hope this year brings you all of the wonderful things that you deserve.

Ready, Set, Don't Go
-Billy Ray Cyrus

She's got to do what she's got to do / And I've got to like it or not / She's got dreams too big for this town / And she needs to give them a shot / Wherever they are / Looks like she's all ready to leave / Nothing left to pack / There ain't no room for me in that car / Even if she asked me to tag along / God, I got to be strong / She's at the starting line of the rest of her life / As ready as she's ever been / Got the hunger and the stars in her eyes / The prize is hers to win / She's waiting on my blessings before she hits that open road / Well, baby, get ready, get set, don't go / She says things are fallen into place / Feels like they're fallen apart / I've painted this big old smile on my face / to hide my broken heart / If only she knew this is where I don't say what I want so bad to say / This is where I want to but I won't get in the way of her and her dreams / And spreading her wings / She's at the starting line of the rest of her life / As ready as she's ever been / Got the hunger and the stars in her eyes / The prize is hers to win / She's waiting on my blessings before she hits that open road / Well, baby, get ready, get set, don't go / She's at the starting line of the rest of her life / As ready as she's ever been / Got the hunger and the stars in her eyes / The prize is hers to win / She's waiting on my blessings before she hits that open road / Well, baby, get ready, get set, please, don't go / Don't go, don't go / She's got to do what she's got to do / She's got to do what she's got to do

Your Smile

2007-12-21T18:41:00.000-05:00

Can it be like this always?
All the cute talk
Surprise visits
And all the fighting
Over who misses who more

Can I keep you forever?
Because I think I've become attached
To the way that you love me
And the way that you show me
That every day can be an adventure

Baby, I don't wanna lose this life I've found
You met me when I was at my lowest
And you brought me to higher ground
You've showed me that although I aint perfect
I'm someone worth the while
And baby, you better believe
You make every day better
Just by your smile

Can we get lost in this moment?
And not think about work or time
Because when it's just you and me
Nothing can hurt me
And I know you'll keep me safe and warm

Oh how do you do it?
Make me feel this way
I never thought that prince charming was real
But then you came along
And made me wish I was good enough for you

I know I aint perfect
But you I know you don't care
Maybe I aint a princess
But I'll be your Cinderella any day

Baby, I don't wanna lose this life I've found
You met me when I was at my lowest
And you brought me to higher ground
You've showed me that although I aint perfect
I'm someone worth the while
And baby, you better believe
You make every day better
Just by your smile

I Say ...

2007-12-21T16:17:00.000-05:00

Mom says …
Don't rush
You have plenty of time
Boys will always be around
So focus on your studies, girl
You're not ready to put your heart on the line

Daddy says …
I love you my baby girl
Man, you've grown up so fast
You'll always be my little brown-eyed girl
And if that boy hurts you
Just remember
My old pistol is still out back

But I say …
Let's get married by a man dressed as Elvis
Let's eat KFC every night
Let's throw all our insecurities away
Just follow me, baby
And it'll be alright

They say …
She's too young for love
Too wild of a spirit to be set free
Just look at how they stare at each other
She's given him her heart
And he's wrapped around her finger

But I still say …
Let's get married by a man dressed as Elvis
Let's eat KFC every night
Let's throw all our insecurities away
Just follow me, baby
And it'll be alright

No, I don't need no diamond ring
And yes, I still love driving your old Chevy
I'm so glad I found you, baby
'Cause you're just what I need

Yeah, so …

I say …
Let's get married by a man dressed as Elvis
Let's eat KFC every night
Let's throw all our insecurities away
Just follow me, baby
And it'll be alright

And he says …
Let's get married by a man dressed as Elvis
Let's eat KFC every night
Let's throw all our insecurities away
I love you more than anything, baby
We're gonna be alright

It's Taken Me A While ...

2007-12-18T17:54:00.001-05:00

Sure, it's taken me a while to get to where I am right now in my life, but I don't regret any part of the journey that I've been on so far. My life is so indescribable. The straight road that I was once walking on has branched out to many different paths, but I know that I'm going in the right direction. Over the course of the past year, I've learned and realized so many things that I never really opened my eyes to until now. I've proven to myself that I can actually have a life that isn't just based on school and work. It's difficult to explain how I feel because I honestly don't know how to describe it. I know that obstacles will continue to come my way, but I think I've gained enough confidence in myself to conquer anything. I'm determined to get through school, and I definitely won't give up until I have a good job. (That pays much more than the $7.50 an hour that I make right now. And yes, that's with the raise that I just received.) I was afraid for a while that I wouldn't be able to balance everything that I have in my life, but I think I've reached a comfortable place where I know that I can give everything the attention that it -- or they -- deserve. I have people in my life who will back me up no matter what, and I am so thankful for each and every one of them. Oh, and I'm determined to never give up on my writing. I wish with all of my heart that Catch Me When I Fall will be published by the time I am finished with college. That would be a major accomplishment for me, and I'm not going to settle for a publishing company that's not really going to help me as an author. I guess, to sum everything up in a nutshell, I'm very genuinely happy right now. This year has been a wild ride, but it's definitely been one of the best years of my life.

Fairy Tales

2007-11-14T17:22:00.000-05:00

Just like Cinderella
didn't think her fairy godmother would appear
I never thought that I deserved someone like you
someone who shows me every passing day
that I'm not only important
but loved for both my strengths and weaknesses
my high points and imperfections

Just like Snow White
felt lost and alone
I never thought
that someone would change my perspective
and show me that the right person can make every problem
and every obstacle that I face
seem not so bad by the end of the day

Just like Thumbalina
felt too small
I never thought
that I'd be standing here with you
feeling so complete
wishing that this moment wouldn't end
and knowing that my life wouldn't be the same without you in it

I never thought
that soul mates really exist
or that crazy dreams come true
because those kinds of things
only happen in fairy tales
but maybe
just maybe
sometimes fairy tales
come true

And Sometimes ...

2007-11-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

You have to make very difficult decisions. Decisions that can potentially impact your entire life. I tend to make the best decisions but not the right ones. I do what I know is best because it's the right thing to do. But in reality, sometimes it comes down to the fact that certain things will only come knocking at your door once. You can chose to open the door and deal with whatever it is ... good or bad ... that stands in front of you, or you can leave the door closed and risk never being able to have what is beyond it ever again. I would rather take a chance now and live my life happily for the time being than risk this never happening again. I know that sometimes I'm too nice. I know that every now and then I need to pull out the b****y attitude in order to fully express how I feel. I also know that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for. I have an amazing friend to thank for helping me realize that. When you see someone else fighting for what they want, it makes you realize just how much you will inevitably regret it if you don't try to get whatever it is that YOU want. I want the whole nine yards. Will I get it? I don't know. But I'm confident enough in myself and my ambition to make something of my life to know that no matter what happens, I will at least get half of it, and for me, right now, that's enough.

Steal On The Outside; Marshmellow On The Inside

2007-10-30T16:36:00.000-04:00

I don't even know where to begin. Take the life that you have now, toss it into a blender, and add in a few extra ingredients that you never thought you would have in your life. That's basically what has happened to me over the course of the past six months.

I guess I should start with the obvious. Everyone who knows me well knows that I'm both stubborn and independent. I had a plan once I graduated from high school. I was going to go to college, study hard, get the job of my dreams, and maybe make it as an author somehow. But that was it. My future plan ended with this. I had reached the point where I was positive that being in a relationship was not for me. Well, God had a different plan for me, and surprisingly, this independent girl is now in a relationship that is both shocking and amazing to not only her but the people around her as well. I don't normally toss this much of my personal life into my blogs, but I think it's necessary this time. I'm currently dating the boy next door who I have known for 11 years and share a birthday with. Sometimes you just don't realize things until it's either too late or until something big happens that makes you see things from a different point of view. I personally got lucky because although I did realize how I felt after Blake left for the Navy, I wasn't too late. I am so thankful for this. I have learned that although independence is a wonderful thing, if you're not daring enough to open your heart to someone eventually, you're going to wake up one day wishing that you had.

I have also had a change of heart when it comes to careers. This decision was actually made a few months ago, but I don't think I have ever discussed it in a blog. I love working at the Times. Sure, it is hard and stressful, and I really feel like someone is going to have to end up writing my obit some nights, but overall, it has taught me so much. I've learned not only a lot about journalism but many things about myself as well. One of these things is the fact that I do not want to be a full-time journalist. I'm a novelist. I've always been a novelist. When I was in the fourth grade, I carried around a note book and wrote poems and observations (that's when Harriet The Spy was popular). The journalism world is great if that's what you want, but it's not for me, and I know that if I tried to be a full-time journalist, I would not be happy. The good thing is that I was able to realize this now rather than five years down the road when I'm stuck working at a newspaper somewhere. I also have figured out what it is that I do want to do with my life. After working at the Times for a couple of months, I started to feel like ... wait ... this is it? I knew that there was something else that I was supposed to be doing with my life, but I couldn't figure out what it was at first. It didn't take me long to realize that what I really want to do is be a counselor. When I was young, I said that I would be an advice columnist because that way I could combine the two things that I love ... writing and giving advice ... into one job. But then I realized that most advice columnists are people who have actually experienced life long enough to give advice, so I crossed off that idea. I feel like I would be happiest as a counselor. I'm not certain what type of counselor I would like to be yet, but I'm really leaning toward working at a college. This is why I am now a journalism and sociology major. Once I transfer to North Georgia, I will just be sociology. It's really funny how things turn out. I am so thankful for the experiences that I have had which have led me to this decision.

There are so many other things that have happened, and I know that I'm going to leave something out. School is going as smoothly as it can right now. I'm trying my best to make sure that I will graduate when I want to, but I'm not certain that this will happen. I'm not too worried about this, though. As long as I have a good job by the time I'm 30, I'm happy. As for other happy news, Cindy and Buck are officially married. It's an amazing feeling watching your best friend since the sixth grade walk down the isle. I started to cry. She looked beautiful in her dress, and the wedding couldn't have gone any better. I also have to mention a friend of mine who has gone through her own metamorphosis during the past six months. If Bea hadn't been in my life during this time, I don't know what I would have done. She's really been an amazing friend, and I know we'll be friends for life.

Now I know that all of this sounds like great news, but I have had my ups and downs. I'm just learning how to take the good with the bad and roll with it. I think it all comes down to the fact that we only have one life. I don't want to waste mine; therefore, I'm not settling for only want I think I deserve anymore. I'm going to try my best to get the entire nine yards. :)

Steps In His Direction

2007-10-26T08:28:00.000-04:00

Steps In His Direction

Takin’ a step forward
Just to take a half a step back
I used to know where I was going
But now I’m off track

It’s so hard to trust
Someone enough to give them your whole heart
Because there’s always this and always that
Always the possibility that we’ll eventually part

I have to protect myself
But I have to protect you, too
I can’t help but think of five years from now
And I don’t want to be nothing more than a memory to you

I might be in over my head
But I won’t give up on this without a fight
Because everything happens for a reason
And somehow I know that this is right

The journey of life isn’t easy
But I know that when I fall
You’ll be there to catch me
And the ups and downs of this journey will be worth it after all

It's Funny How Things Work Out

2007-10-02T20:33:00.000-04:00

So Small
Carrie Underwood

What you got if you ain't got love / The kind that you just want to give away / It's ok to open up / Go ahead and let the light shine through / I know it's hard on a rainy day / You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone / But don't run out on your faith / Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing / Is just a grain of sand / And what you've been out there searching for forever / Is in your hands / And when you figure out love is all that matters after all / It sure makes everything else seem / So small / It's so easy to get lost inside / A problem that seems so big at the time / It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole / While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change / And worrying about all the wrong things / Time's flying by, moving so fast / You better make it count cause you can't get it back / Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing / Is just a grain of sand / And what you've been out there searching for forever / Is in your hands / Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all / It sure makes everything else seem / So small / Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing / Is just a grain of sand / And what you've out there searching for forever / Is in your hands / And then you figure out love is all that matters after all / It sure makes everything else / Oh, it sure makes everything else seem / So small

Just For You
William Tell

I can't seem to catch my breath / It's in front of me / Behind your lips / And here I go, letting go / Just another, let you go / I never thought I could be like this / I wanna spend every moment here with you / You've shown me a place I've seen but never knew / So here I am / Here I am / Here I am / Here I am / Just for you / Just for you / In the dark / Moving hands to find my way / Reaching for a chance / And the words to say / And here I go / Letting go / Just to never let you go / I'm so scared to feel so safe / I wanna spend every moment here with you / You've shown me a place I've seen but never knew / So here I am / Here I am / Here I am / Here I am / Just for you... / I've been so quiet for so long / Waiting for the chance to find me / Now I'm finding out / That things have never been so real / Never felt the way they should be / Now they've found me / I wanna spend every moment here with you / You've shown me a place I've seen but never knew / I wanna spend every moment here with you / You've shown me a place I've seen but never knew / So here I am / Here I am / Here I am / Here I am / Just for you / Just for you...

Things I Don’t Understand

2007-09-06T22:06:00.000-04:00

1. Shallow Jerks. Yes girls, they are out there, and if you’re stupid yet hot, they’re on the prowl for you.

So I walk into my Film History class this morning, and there are only two guys sitting in the room. I sit down and quickly realize that they are talking about nothing other than ... girls. Now, keep in mind that both of these guys saw me walk into the room. Unless I have suddenly mastered the power of invisibility, they knew I was there. So the one guy is talking about how he doesn’t like to date rich girls because they expect too much, and the other one clearly states, "I want to get me a hot, stupid girl. Like that Miss South Carolina girl." I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize people this shallow actually existed. Well, I take that back. I figured that they were out there, but I mean, come on, if you’re that shallow, at least try and hide it (especially when there’s a female in the room). Granted I know I’m not "hot," and well, I like to think I ain’t stupid, so I wouldn’t be his type anyway, but man, that woke me up this morning. The funny thing is that I know the guy who said this. I had a class with him last spring. Well, he was in the class for a little while, but then he dropped it. Yeah, he also doesn’t have a job nor does he have any clue as to what he wants to do with his life. You know what? I hope he finds that hot, stupid girl. I think they’ll have a great life together.

So guys, please tell me that all guys are not this shallow. And to all of the shallow guys in the world … I think you’re forgetting one little thing … beauty fades ;)

2. High Heels & Mini Skirts On Campus. Yes, I know they're super cute. But do you really need to wear them when you're running around campus?

Okay, so I wouldn’t consider myself a "girlie girl," but at the same time, I wouldn’t say that I’m a "tomboy" either. I like to think that I’m somewhere in the middle. Well, I don’t understand why a girl would think that it’s a good idea to wear high heels and a skirt that barely reaches the bottom of her ass around campus. For one, heels are not comfortable. I don’t care what anyone says, you cannot honestly say that your feet do not hurt at least one little bit while walking around in heels all day. Today I saw a girl who literally looked like a cowgirl. She had on a tank top, short skirt, and cowgirl boots. And sure, the outfit was cute, and you could probably even find something like it in Seventeen, but I just don’t understand how that can be comfortable all day while walking around campus. Maybe I just didn’t get the cute outfit confidence gene or something because today I left the college with jeans (no, not a jean mini skirt but actual jeans … a.k.a. pants), a T-shirt, and a jacket. It can get freezing cold in some of those classrooms. But I guess that didn’t matter to Miss Cowgirl. After all, she looked cute, right?

So girls, am I the only one who thinks that heels are a "no no" when it comes to walking around campus?

3. Children With Cell Phones. They come out with a new brand/style every couple of weeks. Just think about how many different kinds of cell phones there will be in ten years. It's just another addiction ...

So I’m driving home from work, and I see this girl who can’t be any older than ten on her bike with a cell phone glued to her ear. When I was ten, there weren’t any cell phones, which yes, makes me feel very old. But then again, yeah, maybe some rich people had cell phones when I was ten, but if they did, they were those huge ones that were around in the 90s. If you're not sure of what I'm talking about, watch some Saved By The Bell reruns. And if you've never heard of Saved By The Bell, then you're either way too young, or I really am getting old. I’m just not sure how I feel about giving young kids a cell phone. I mean, today she’s talking on it while riding on her bike, but tomorrow she’ll be talking on it while driving in her car. I think in the future everyone is going to have a cell phone programmed into their ear.

So kids, what would you do without a cell phone? And don’t say that you’d die … I'm proof that you can live without one.

Unpredictable

2007-08-31T12:48:00.000-04:00

Wow, it’s been a while. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write a "real" blog. I’ve had a lot going on lately, but none of it is really blog appropriate. Hey, I have to keep some things to myself ;)

All I can really say is that I’m perfectly content with how my life is going right now. School is school. Work is work. And somewhere in-between is everything else. I’m sure you’re thinking, "Okay, care to elaborate?" Well, no. I’ve had some issues with school that I’d rather not get into as well as some other issues with some friends. Thankfully, a few of my AMAZING friends have really been there for me lately, which has helped so much. Thank you :)

So until I do have some things that I actually feel like I can blog about, I will leave you with this …

Life is extremely unpredictable. But normally when things happen when we least expect them to, they’re happening for a reason…

Time After Time...

2007-07-31T22:12:00.000-04:00

A million people have remade it, but I still love it...

Time After Time
-QuietDrive

Lying in my bed / I hear the clock tick / And think of you / Caught up in circles / Confusion is nothing new / Flashback / Warm nights / Almost left behind / Suitcase of memories / Time after time / Sometimes / You picture me / I’m walking / Too far ahead / You’re calling / To me / I can’t hear / What you’ve said / Then you say / Go slow / I fall behind / The second hand / Unwinds / If you’re lost / You can look / And you will find me / Time after time / If you fall / I will catch you / I’ll be waiting / Time after time / Time after time / Time after time / After / My picture fades / And darkness / Has turned to grey / Watching / Through windows / You’re wondering / If I’m okay / Secrets / Stolen / From deep inside / The drum beats / Out of time / If you’re lost / You can look / And you will find me / Time after time / If you fall / I will catch you / I’ll be waiting / Time after time / Time after time

First Time
-Lifehouse

We're both looking for something / We've been afraid to find / It's easier to be broken / It's easier to hide / Looking at you, holding my breath / For once in my life I'm scared to death / I'm taking a chance letting you inside / I'm feeling alive all over again / As deep as the sky under my skin / Like being in love, she said, for the first time / Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right / where I belong with you tonight / Like being in love to feel for the first time / The world that I see inside you / Waiting to come to life / Waking me up to dreaming / Reality in your eyes / Looking at you, holding my breath / For once in my life I'm scared to death / I'm taking a chance letting you inside / I'm feeling alive all over again / As deep as the sky under my skin / Like being in love, she said, for the first time / Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right / where I belong with you tonight / Like being in love to feel for the first time / We're crashing / Into the unknown / We're lost in this / But it feels like home / I'm feeling alive all over again / As deep as the sky under my skin / Like being in love, she said, for the first time / Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right / where I belong with you tonight / Like being in love to feel for the first time / Like being in love she said for the first time / Like being in love to feel for the first time

ID Please

2007-07-24T17:18:00.000-04:00

I was assigned to attend the Harry Potter book release party at a certain bookstore in Lakeshore Mall Friday night. I was supposed to be there at 9 p.m. so that I could cover the festivities that they were having for Potter fans. Well, I arrived at the mall early because I was going to hang out with a friend of mine until nine o'clock. Since my friend hadn't arrived yet, I figured I would go ahead and interview the store manager so I wouldn't have to worry about it later. I introduced myself to the store manger, who then asked, "Do you have an ID card?" I've been with the Times for almost eight months now, and I have never been asked for an ID. One of the editors actually told me that I would never need one. It then took about five minutes of pleading for the manager to talk to me. After saying, "I cannot answer that," to about five of my questions, I finally got a reasonable quote out of her. Of course, this was after she looked at me questionably and said, "Wait, I already had a girl from the Times come here." She was right. Another girl did the preview story. Harry Potter was mentioned in almost every issue last week, so naturally there had to be more than one reporter helping out. It's a good thing that I eventually got a decent quote out of the store manager because my article ended up on the front page of the paper. :) I told my boss what happened, and after laughing, he said that he'll get me an ID. This just goes to show how much of a phenomenon Harry Potter really is. Apparently bookstore managers everywhere were told not to talk to the press unless they had ID. Oh yeah ... and the books were delivered by armor truck. ;)

My Hollywood Dish

2007-07-08T13:24:00.000-04:00

Veronica Mars:
It kills me to say it, but they decided not to bring Veronica Mars back to the CW this fall. It's honestly very weird how the show took its fall. After the first season, it was getting rave reviews, and it kept those reviews through the second season. Then, when the WB merged with UPN, things started to slowly decline. Maybe it was the time slot. Maybe it was the network. Maybe Ms. Mars was more of a one-season shot series that somehow managed to hang on a little longer. Either way, I'm sad to see it go. With both Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls kicked off the CW, I have no idea what I'm going to watch this fall. They have a few new shows planned for the fall lineup, but I'm not sure if there's anything that will actually "make it," or grab my attention. Right now they're showing Hidden Palms, which is basically a mix of Dawson's Creek, One Tree Hill, and a little bit of Veronica Mars. Honestly, it's too much for me. Veronica Mars was good because it was edgy and different. This Hidden Palms show has way too much drama for my liking. It's too much like One Tree Hill in that aspect. That show attempts to cover every possible horrible thing that can happen to teenagers. You can't do that! It's just not realistic. And yeah, I know this is television, but I'd like to watch something that I can at least somewhat relate to. Anyway, I'm getting off topic here. Rob Thomas, the creator of Veronica Mars, has been promising novels for a while now, but ideas are still up in the air. Some say there are going to be comic books. Others say there should already be a novel out called The Case Files of Veronica Mars. I personally hope that they do come out with something. The show was one of those series that you only get attached to every so often. I'll definitely be buying the last season on DVD. (I already have the first two.)

Mandy Moore:
What can I say about Mandy Moore? This girl is amazing. She's an actress, a singer, she does volunteer work, and she doesn't look like a toothpick! It really is amazing that someone who has been in the business for so long hasn't gotten caught up in all of the Hollywood drama. Although I cannot comment on License to Wed yet, I have purchased "Wild Hope," which is Mandy Moore's latest CD. This album was a long time coming for her. From what I've heard, she had to switch labels because the label that she was going to use basically wanted to control her. Well, Ms. Moore didn't like this idea. She wanted to be able to write and sing HER music. So she ended up with Firm Music. The album definitely has a more mature tone to it. The songs range from the theme of being ready for the world and what it has to offer to saying goodbye to someone who has changed and isn't the person that you once loved. The album is filled with slow-beat songs, and some of them have a Norah Jones feel to them. For me, this is Mandy Moore's way of saying, "Here I am, this is me. You can like me if you want." I think it's great that she has branched out and is trying her own thing. The lyrics are are simple, yet sweet, and I'm sure they'll be stuck in my head soon.

Can't You Just Adore Her?
Mandy Moore

She likes chocolate in the morning / She drinks her coffee late at night / You can sense that she is guarded / But that's alright / She'll fall asleep while your still talking / With unfinished books beside her bed / She'll cancel all of her appointments / And go shopping instead / An in spite of what is right / Far beyond what she'd expect / When the moon begs the question / Will you have the answer yet? / Can't you just adore her? / Can't you just adore her? / She loves to watch the sunset / But she is partial to the rain / With those tears and that umbrella / Her allure goes unexplained / You made dinner in your apartment / You both assume that she'll be late / She always has the best intentions / Her goodness is innate / And in spite of what is right / Far beyond what she'd expect / When the moon begs the question / Will you have the answer yet / Can't you just adore her? / Can't you just adore her? / Why can't you just adore her? / I like chocolate in the morning / I drink my coffee late at night

Maid of Honor, Novelist, and Future Ph.D Holder?

2007-06-29T16:35:00.000-04:00

So ... a lot has been happening lately. And I'm going to try to cover it all in one long, random blog. Let's see how this goes ...

For starters, Cindy and Buck are getting married, which I know I have already written on here, BUT I have not stated that yours truly is going to be the maid of honor. Isn't that cool? I've never even been to a wedding before, and now I get to be someone's maid of honor. I'm very excited. Cindy and Buck are also planning on having the wedding much sooner than they originally thought, which is exciting as well. I am extremely happy for them.

Next ... the professor who agreed to read the first chapter of my novel loved it. He said that his agent knows other agents who specialize in young adult novels, and guess what? They are based in New York! This means so much to me because this is someone who doesn't know me at all, and he really does think that my novel could make it. He also said that he would do whatever he could to help me. I'm going to continue editing for the rest of the summer, and maybe sometime this fall I will officially be able to say that I have an agent. I'm so excited. I have realized over the past six months that being a novelist is what I want to do (on top of many other things of course). But seeing a novel of mine on a self in a bookstore is my number one goal. And I really do think it's possible now.

Speaking of books that are actually on shelves in bookstores ... If you haven't read Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill or Rats Saw God by Rob Thomas, I definitely recommend them. I've been doing some research on Rob Thomas (I get bored at work, and I have nothing else to do), and his writing style is very different. He uses a ton of flashbacks in Rats Saw God, which cracks me up because my professor told me to take out all of my flashbacks. Rob Thomas is also the creator of Veronica Mars, so if you've watched the show (or at least the first season), you can tell that he is a fan of flashbacks. Maybe that's why I like them so much.

I went to a fishing camp today for the Gainesville Parks and Recreation, and it reminded me of bait casting class. One of the editors at work came over to me the other day and asked how bait casting was going. I replied with, "Oh, it's been over for a while. Now I'm taking online P.E. and Film and Culture." He then said, "Online P.E.? I'm going to have to look into your college education! I'm worried!" I'm glad that I've been able to take some odd classes. Of course, I'm going to cherish the days before fall semester. I'll be taking 16 hours. I've never attempted this before...

As for online P.E. ... It is well, somewhat over. I don't have to go to the gym anymore, but I do have one more exam to do. I am so thankful that I'm done. This class took up so much of my free time, and even though I somewhat yelled at the professor through an e-mail (with good reason), I think he liked me. This is what was posted on my last lab assignment:

Another fine paper, Jennifer. It has been a pleasure to read your work. Keep it up, and in no time, you'll be getting your PH.D in something :)

So ... PH.D. here I come! :)

Engagement

2007-06-18T10:53:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am finally engaged! :)

Just kidding! But my best friend since the sixth grade is! I am so happy for her, yet I am so astounded by it. I mean, she's been with her boyfriend for five years now, and they're definitely meant for each other, so I knew that it was going to happen eventually, but it just leaves me in awe that one of my friends is actually engaged. I sat with this girl in the back of the chorus room in sixth grade, and we talked about boys and put glow-in-the-dark star-printed nail polish on our finger nails! Now she's this beautiful, amazing woman who is someone's fiance! How crazy is that? Anyway, I am so happy for her, and I wish her and her fiance the best for the future.

CONGRATULATIONS CINDY AND BUCK! <3

Stress, Soccer, Stability, & Surprise

2007-06-17T11:25:00.000-04:00

Stress. Online P.E. ... Oh, if only it were as easy as it sounds. Unfortunately, I am required to take two physical education classes at GSC. I completed one of those requirements during Maymester by taking bait casting, which ended up being so much better than I ever thought it would be. Well, for summer session, I have decided to take online P.E. I have a friend who took it during Maymester, and all she had to do was go to the gym everyday and keep a journal of what she accomplished. Well, I’m taking a different professor who requires you to go to the gym only three days during the week, but he also makes you do exams and other assignments over the internet. Now, this wouldn’t have been too bad if everything had been on the internet when it was supposed to be. Early last week I e-mailed the professor, asking where the labs were, and guess what he wrote back? He basically insulted me, asking if I had gone to the orientation. The orientation was mandatory. He knew that I was there. He was implying that I didn’t pay attention. So I tried to figure out what the heck I was doing wrong, but I couldn’t come up with anything, so I e-mailed him again … and again … and again, and believe me, the e-mails weren’t sweet and sugar-coated. So finally, after a few days of no reply, I get two e-mails. One was an e-mail to the entire class, explaining that there was an issue with the web site, and everything was officially on the web. The other was a personal e-mail to me, apologizing for the inconvenience. I’ll admit, it felt very good to be right. Anyone who went to high school with me knows that I don't stand up for myself that often. And believe me, I never thought I would stand up to a professor like that, but hey, it worked! Of course, I now have been working on lab assignments like crazy because the professor didn’t decide to extend the deadline like he should have. Oh well. At least I actually have the assignments now.

Soccer. As you probably know, I have been volunteering with the Gainesville Parks and Recreation this summer as a photographer. I went to a four to six-year-old soccer camp on Friday, and I honestly had a lot of fun. I played soccer when I was in the fourth grade, and although I eventually realized that sports + me = a bad idea, it was fun when I was able to just goof off with my friends. I was there Friday just as a photographer, but one of the little girls started kicking the ball toward me, and I kept kicking it back. The coach was hilarious, and Beth, the woman who helps coordinate everything, is extremely nice. I’m actually thinking about seeing if I can help with coaching next summer. Soccer is probably the one sport that I could handle. Well, that and fishing, which will actually be the next camp that I’m going to.

Stability. Work has been drifting at a stable pace lately. I helped out with the "Life on Lake Lanier" piece that we’re hoping to publish during the week of the 4th of July by interviewing the owners and customers at a restaurant on the marina. I also had a column published in Friday’s Outdoors section on the bait casting class that I took. I loved writing that article, mostly because I was able to write it from my point of view and make it funny. Having to write straight news stories, where I have no room to include my own thoughts, are difficult for me sometimes. I’m not sure what my next assignment is going to be, but I can officially say that I have been working at the Times for six months now. I can’t believe it’s been that long. I also am very glad that I have had this opportunity. It has helped me realize what my priorities are, and it has (in an odd way) showed me what it is that I really want to do with my life. Of course, I never said that my job wasn't risky. A bomb threat was called into the Times on Friday, and no one could come to work until eleven o'clock. I didn’t know about this because I don’t go in until three, but apparently they had the bomb squad show up and everything. Apparently someone really didn’t like something we published. Of course, it also could have been that woman who left me a voice message on Thursday, screaming at me for not running her obituary (which I never received from the funeral home). You know, I never thought that I would end up getting yelled at so much with this job, but I'm pretty much used to it now.

Surprise. I’m taking Film and Culture right now, and the professor that I have for it is amazing. He has accomplished so much as a writer, and I am honestly astounded by what he has done over the years. He writes young adult and children novels, and he actually was the writer for some of the Wishbone and Are You Afraid of the Dark? novels. He also knows one of the scriptwriters for the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and he clued us in on something very important that they left out in the third movie. Anyway, I told him that I’ve been trying to find a publisher for my third novel, and I asked if he could give me any advice. Well, he is currently reading the first chapter of Catch Me When I Fall, and he said he’d let me know what he thinks on Tuesday. I’m nervous, but at the same time, I’m very excited. He seems to have a lot of connections in the writing and publishing world. I was in a bookstore yesterday, and I started reading a few of the back covers of some of the young adult novels. Let me tell you, there are some pretty dumb books on shelves these days. If they can get there, why can’t mine?

Summer Music

2007-06-12T22:07:00.000-04:00

The Great Escape Lyrics
Boys Like Girls

Paper bags and plastic hearts / All are belongings in shopping carts / It's goodbye / But we got one more night / Let's get drunk and ride around / And make peace with an empty town / We can make it right / Throw it away / Forget yesterday / We'll make the great escape / We won't hear a word they say / They don't know us anyway / Watch it burn / Let it die / Cause we are finally free tonight / Tonight will change our lives / It's so good to be by your side / But we'll cry / We won't give up the fight / We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs / And they'll think it's just cause were young / And we'll feel so alive / Throw it away / Forget yesterday / We'll make the great escape / We won't hear a word they say / They don't know us anyway / Watch it burn / Let it die / Cause we are finally free tonight / All of the wasted time / The hours that were left behind / The answers that we'll never find / They don't mean a thing tonight / Throw it away / Forget yesterday / We'll make the great escape / We won't hear a word they say / They don't know us anyway / Throw it away / Forget yesterday / We'll make the great escape / We won't hear a word they say / They don't know us anyway / Throw it away / Forget yesterday / We'll make the great escape / We won't hear a word they say / They don't know us anyway / Watch it burn / Let it die / Cause we are finally free tonight

Big Girls Don't Cry Lyrics
Fergie

Da Da Da Da / The smell of your skin lingers on me now / You're probably on your flight back to your home town / I need some shelter of my own protection baby / To be with myself instead of calamity / Peace, Serenity / I hope you know, I hope you know / That this has nothing to do with you / It's personal, Myself and I / We've got some straightenin' out to do / And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket / But I’ve got to get a move on with my life / Its time to be a big girl now / And big girls don't cry / Don't cry / Don't cry / Don't cry / The path that I'm walking / I must go alone / I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown, full grown / Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they / And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay / I hope you know, I hope you know / That this has nothing to with you / It's personal, Myself and I / We've got some straightenin' out to do / And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket / But I've got to get a move on with my life / Its time to be a big girl now / And big girls don't cry / Like the little school mate in the school yard / We'll play jacks and uno cards / I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine / Yes you can hold my hand if you want to / Cause I want to hold yours too / We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds / But its time for me to go home / Its getting late, dark outside / I need to be with myself instead of calamity / Peace, Serenity / I hope you know, I hope you know / That this has nothing to do with you / It's personal, Myself and I / We've got some straightenin' out to do / And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket / But I've got to get a move on with my life / Its time to be a big girl now / And big girls don't cry / Don't cry / Don't cry / Don't cry

Pirates & Graduation

2007-05-26T21:16:00.001-04:00

Yes, I will admit it. I was one of the many people standing in line on Thursday night to get into the first (eight o’clock) showing of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. And yes, I was in front of a little kid who was dressed up as a pirate and behind a man who must have been in his thirties with a Jack Sparrow wig on his head. Yes, I felt like one of those people who worship other movies such as Star Wars; however, I was not disappointed. I was a little apprehensive walking into the theatre considering Spiderman 3 ended up being a disaster. I’m sorry to all of you who worship Peter Parker, but trust me, once the hype wears off, and you spend your money on the DVD, you may begin to agree with me. Although "Pirates" was once again extremely long, it kept my attention, and I personally feel like they ended it the way that it should be ended. The audience doesn’t necessarily get what they want, but it’s not like all of the good characters die either. It’s also not ended in the same way that the second one ended, which I liked. The end could be just that: the end of the Pirates reign, but then again, it could also lead to another chapter. I guess that thirty-year-old man will have to wait and see if he’ll be able to wear that Jack Sparrow wig again.

Now, back to reality. Today was Heather’s high school graduation. It’s days like today that really make you realize you’re living. Not that I normally walk around feeling as if I’m dead, but I think you know what I mean. It was nice seeing Heather in her cap and gown with a big smile on her face. Of course, I still can’t believe that she’s officially done with high school. That means that I’m officially old. Just kidding. I feel like so much has happened in the past year, but yet, at the same time, I feel like nothing has happened at all. I’m the same person; I don’t think my personality has changed. Maybe that’s the hardest part of graduating from high school. You need to let yourself grow as a person, but you shouldn’t lose your spirit and sense of character that you’ve always possessed in the process. I know that no matter where life takes Heather, she’ll be okay. She’s a strong person -- so much stronger than me. She doesn’t let things get to her, and if she walks in a tunnel and finds a dead end, she always finds another way. Congrats Heather! I love you!

Hey There Delilah
-Plain White T

Hey there Delilah / What's it like in New York City? / I'm a thousand miles away / But girl tonight you look so pretty / Yes you do / Times Square can't shine as bright as you / I swear it's true / Hey there Delilah / Don't you worry about the distance / I'm right there if you get lonely / Give this song another listen / Close your eyes / Listen to my voice it's my disguise / I'm by your side / Oh it's what you do to me / What you do to me / Hey there Delilah / I know times are getting hard / But just believe me girl / Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar / We'll have it good / We'll have the life we knew we would / My word is good / Hey there Delilah / I've got so much left to say / If every simple song I wrote to you / Would take your breath away / I'd write it all / Even more in love with me you'd fall / We'd have it all / Oh it's what you do to me / A thousand miles seems pretty far / But they've got planes and trains and cars / I'd walk to you if I had no other way / Our friends would all make fun of us / and we'll just laugh along because we know / That none of them have felt this way / Delilah I can promise you / That by the time we get through / The world will never ever be the same / And you're to blame / Hey there Delilah / You be good and don't you miss me / Two more years and you'll be done with school / And I'll be making history like I do / You know it's all because of you / We can do whatever we want to / Hey there Delilah here's to you / This ones for you / Oh it's what you do to me / What you do to me.

Maybe I Just Need A Little Faith

2007-05-19T21:07:00.000-04:00

You know those days when the sun is starting to set and you begin to wonder where the day went? Well, today is one of those days for me. But I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Lets flashback to the beginning of this week…

I started my bait casting class on Wednesday, and although I was a little apprehensive on whether or whether not I’d actually like it and be capable of hooking a worm without squealing like a little girl, I don’t think it could have started out any better than it did. For starters, there are only three girls in the class, and we’ve decided to stick together. I immediately clicked with one of the girls, and we’ve been helping each other out with everything that we’ve been learning so far. A friend of mine from high school is also in the class, and although he has never fished before, he was the first person to catch a fish on Thursday. After losing my bait twice, I caught a little brim. I then named him Tom and tossed him back. I really am enjoying the class, and I’ve been keeping the squealing like a little girl to a minimum. I have to say that I like using worms better than crickets for bait. Crickets are easier to get on the hook, but for some reason, I like the worms better. Anyway, I’m genuinely glad that I opted to take the class. I’m sure I’m going to remember the experience for a very long time. Plus, my professor is making sure that everyone has their picture taken with a fish that they catch, so I’ll have a keepsake after it’s over.

This past week marked the ending of many television shows, but I have to say that Gilmore Girls was the most depressing. You can make fun of me all that you want, but I have been a faithful viewer for the entire seven years that it has been on television. I can even remember talking about it when I was in the seventh grade. Yes, I am a television nerd, but that’s okay with me. I think that they ended it the way that it should be. Sure, I would have liked to see Logan and Rory together, but it just wouldn’t be realistic. The writers did a good job. Of course, now I will forever be wondering if Luke and Lorilei ever get married and whom Rory eventually ends up marrying, etc.

Back to reality …

Today was an eventful and fun day for me. I have sunburn on my back, but that’s my only complaint. I was out on assignment starting at eleven this morning covering the ninth annual Rubber Duck Derby for the Times. The weather was so amazing today, and although it took those ducks forty minutes to reach the finish line, I had a really good time. It’s days like today that confuse me so much. Doing articles like this make me think, "Wow, this is my job! How could I not want to do this." I think I’ve realized why I keep trying to imagine myself doing something other than journalism. When you’re in college, you’re constantly striving toward that one thing that you really want to do with your life. Well, I’m in college, but at the same time, I’m basically doing that one thing that I thought was what I wanted to do with my life. This is making me think, "Okay, so what else?" I’m the type of person that likes to feel as if they are moving forward. I think that’s why I’ve been thinking about other career options – like, "Okay, so I have this … now what else can I do?" Don’t get me wrong, I love to write especially if I’m able to cover fun events like the Rubber Duck Derby, and I honestly believe that in some way I will always be a writer.

But now I must go and work on my fishing homework that is due next week. Yes, we do get written assignments in fishing class, but they’re not difficult.

However, if someone can tell me who the 2006 Bass Angler of the year was, I will be extremely happy!

Maybe I Ask Too Many Questions

2007-05-13T19:38:00.000-04:00

So I’ve been away from the buildings where the geese roam for a week now, which means that my summer break is almost officially over. Of course, when most people get away from tests and research papers, they tend to let all complex thoughts fly out of their mind. Not me. This is the time when I can think about everything that I pack away in a suitcase in the back of my brain while I’m in school. One of my best friends will be graduating from high school in about two weeks. I can’t believe that it was almost a year ago when I graduated from high school. My friend asked me if I miss it, if I’d go back if I could. For me, this is an easy question that I thought would be difficult to answer a year ago. I don’t miss high school at all. I have been very fortunate because I am still in contact with the select people from high school that I want to keep in touch with; however, so much happened during my days as a War Eagle. So much that I’m glad is over yet so much that I don’t want to forget. But this year has been a lot better than the days of being trapped in that same building from eight to 3:20 everyday. I’ve grown up a lot during the past year, and I’ve actually found my way back to my roots. I’ve realized things that weren’t so clear to me in high school. I don’t expect this to make sense. Maybe having a week off from school has given me a little too much time to think. But then again, I think it was about time for me to go through that suitcase in the back of my brain. Some things have been in there for a while now. But back to the whole graduation debacle. I believe that high school can be the best time of your life. But I also fully believe that it can be the worst. I wouldn’t say that it was one or the other for me, but I will admit that I’m very glad that it’s behind me. I think that by the time you’re a senior, you’re ready to move on and start a new chapter in your life. There are so many people from high school that I know I will probably never see again. Some I’m glad to be away from. Some I will always wonder what they ended up doing with their lives. I also believe that your life can officially start after high school. I mean, think about it. As they tell you over and over at graduation, you can do anything. Is this right? Well, I’m not sure how many people still believe in this concept, but I think it’s still possible. The only problem is figuring out exactly what that "anything" is. Some people know exactly what they want out of life. It takes others a little longer to find their niche. Then there are people who change their mind a lot. To quote the ending of a recent Grey’s Anatomy episode, "The ones who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want." It makes sense. When you have a clear vision of your future things just tend to come quicker, easier even. When that picture is constantly altering, the ride to the top is a little rocky. So what happens when you know what you want to do with your life, but you’re not sure how to get it? And what if it means giving up on something else that you love in order to reach it? And what if you’re currently doing half of what you once thought was what you wanted? If this "half" were enough, wouldn’t you know it by now? I know that you’re either officially lost or have stopped reading. And so I leave you with a question that will confuse you even more. Is it better to shoot for the gold and lose completely or stick with silver and always be trapped in second place?

I think I know my answer. What’s yours?

Bird

2007-05-08T11:26:00.000-04:00

So there are a few small trees right outside my bedroom window, and there's a nest that was built by a bird last summer in one of these trees. Well, the other day, this bird shows up, and he consistently bangs himself on my window all day long. The next morning he wakes me up at six o'clock, flinging himself against the window again and continued to do so for the rest of the day. How did this not kill him? I have no idea because he was hitting the window pretty darn hard. Now, I don't know what was wrong with this bird. My theory is that he either caught rabies, which would explain the odd behavior, or was trying to commit suicide -- or both. Either way, I was at the point where I really wanted to find a paintball gun and put him out of his (and my) misery. Well, I came home from work yesterday and walked into my room to find three of my stuffed animals up on my window. My grandmother was like, "I think it worked." And guess what? I woke up at 9:30 this morning and have not heard the bird once today. So if any of you have an annoying bird who is constantly flinging himself at your window, you now know what to do. I knew all of my stuffed animals would come in handy someday.

Endings Always Yield New Beginnings

2007-05-05T20:19:00.000-04:00

Well, folks, I am officially done with final exams. It’s a very good feeling, too -- a mix of relief and exhilaration. This semester has definitely been an odd one for me. The beginning of it was very rocky. Starting my job at the Times was difficult, but I feel like I belong there now. They wouldn’t keep asking me to write things if I wasn’t doing a good job!

Although I’m so glad that this semester is over, and I don’t have to think about having another Mass Communication test or presentation, I only have one week of summer, and then it’s back to school for me. Hopefully Maymester won’t be so bad. I’m getting my two P.E.’s out of the way, which would be easy for most people, but I hate P.E. I think the only time that I actually enjoyed P.E. was when I was in the fourth grade at Norton Elementary in Snellville. Of course, that was also when I played soccer. Yes, I was ‘sporty’ a very, very long time ago. That was also during the time that I thought I was ‘Sporty Spice,’ and I had a huge crush on Brian from the Backstreet Boys. I probably shouldn’t have admitted that, huh? Oh well.

Anyway, I was asked to cover the Murrayville Day Parade for the Times today, and although it was very cold and rainy this morning, the turnout was pretty good. I was able to talk to a very nice family, and I’m hoping that the article sounded decent. It’s going to be in Sunday’s paper. Wow, Sunday’s paper. Now ain’t that cool!

Now for the bad news. I was sitting in my Introduction to Film class on Friday for my final exam, and my professor looks up at me and says, "Jennifer, I have bad news." I immediately became afraid. I mean, what am I supposed to think when a professor says this in front of everyone? He was then like, "Gilmore Girls is coming to an end." This breaks my heart! What am I going to do without my Gilmorisms? I’m going to have to go out and buy all of the seasons on DVD. Well, all I have to say is that they better end it with Luke and Lorelei together and Rory and Logan engaged. I know it’s typical, but that’s how it should be.

Well, that’s all for now folks.

Fun … The Weekend Before Finals?

2007-04-29T10:48:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe that I have finals this week and yet, I was able to have a lot of fun yesterday. I guess that’s one of the many advantages of college. I only have two finals this semester due to the fact that my journalism teacher decided not to give finals in any of his classes. That works for me. His last test was hard enough!

So final-wise I only have to worry about English 1102 and Introduction to Film. My Film professor is awesome, so I don’t think that I need to worry too much, but he could suddenly decide that he made the mid-term WAY too easy and make the final VERY hard. The English 1102 final shouldn’t be too bad either, but I am going to be out the night before (It’s one of my best friends’ 19th birthday, and I won’t miss that for anything!), so we’ll see how awake I am at eight the next morning. That’s when Mountain Dew becomes my best friend.

This past Friday was a very good one for me. I’ve been planning on volunteering with the United Way this summer, and through their web site I was able to get in touch with a woman who works with the Gainesville Parks and Recreation. I went to talk to her on Friday, and we started talking about how I work at the Times. Apparently her brother works there as well, and she loves the Times because we apparently feature them quite often. Anyway, she then asked me if I was interested in photography. I told her yes, that I carry a camera with me wherever I go, and she looked so excited. They’ve been trying to find someone to take pictures at some of their summer events, but they haven’t been able to find anyone. Well, that is perfect for me, and I am so excited about it! She even commented that I could add the pictures to my own portfolio, which would be great. I might also to be helping with the summer community theatre this summer. The woman that I talked to gave me a catalog to look through, and she told me to let her know if there was something that I was interested in. There are a few things that I’d actually like to go to! They have many different day camps that seem like a lot of fun. Of course, you’re probably wondering how I’m going to do this while working Monday-Friday and going to school. They work around your schedule, which is so helpful. Anyway, I could write about this for a while. I’m very excited!

Yesterday was a pretty eventful day as well. I was supposed to be walking for WalkAmerica, but my morning wasn’t going as I had planned, so that didn’t end up happening. The rest of the day made up for it, though. Heather and I went up to Lumpkin County to the Cane Creek Falls at Camp Glisson. It was so beautiful, and I had a lot of fun. We also went to GSC’s "movie on the lawn," which was definitely an interesting experience (you never have a ‘normal’ experience when Heather is with you). Then I went to Dawsonville to meet up with Cindy. She was house-sitting for the weekend at her boss’ house, and she invited me over. It was cool because I haven’t seen Cindy in a while. She moved to Ball Ground a while ago, which is a good distance from where I live (especially when gas prices are crazy).

Well, that’s my weekend in a nutshell. I’ll post some pictures on my flickr probably tomorrow. I have a TON of them!

And to college students everywhere: Good luck on your finals!

I am in Love with an Article

2007-04-21T14:07:00.000-04:00

I’m not going to ignore the fact that this has been a difficult week. I think that so many people have changed their outlook on life or even seen their life from a different perspective because of the events that have happened. At least, I know that I have.

I’m trying to focus more on the here and now. I won’t lie and say that I’m not one of those people who desperately try to have their entire life planned out. I know that I can be paranoid, but I also know why I am this way, and I know that nothing is going to change this. I can; however, control it. For now, I am content with being a college student who is working as a journalist. And believe me, with everything that has been going on, I have thought over and over about ‘the media,’ and if I really want to be considered ‘one of those people.’ I won’t stick up for the media. I think that it is sick how they can be, but I can promise that I will never do something that I feel is against my morals as a human being in order to get a story. People deserve their privacy. And I respect that.

I was given the opportunity this week to write an article that I fell in love with. There is going to be a Christian conference at one of the churches around here May 4-5 that will focus on high school students. The conference will talk about abstinence through a faith-based curriculum. Because of this, I was able to write an article on high school girls and what they think ‘dressing provocatively’ really is, and why they choose not to fall prey to this ‘trend.’ It was so much fun. I was able to get quotes from girls from three different schools, including a private academy. All of the quotes were amazing, which made the article very hard to write, but I am extremely happy with what I came up with, and I’m really hoping that they don’t change what I wrote. This article will definitely go down as one of my favorites. I also was asked to attend an ‘Understanding Islam’ conference at the college yesterday and write an article on it. This wasn’t the easiest piece for me, but I’m not sure that it would have been ‘easy’ for anyone on the staff. I did what could, though, and despite the fact that I am not good at writing straight news stories (I tend to be too opinionated), I think it turned out pretty well. That one was published in today’s paper, and the ‘dressing provocatively’ article will be in Monday’s.

I’m still a little amazed at where I’m at in my life right now. It feels like I was working at the shoe store just yesterday, wondering if I would be there for another five years. Even though this week has shown me the side of the media that I hate, I am very glad that I am working as a journalist now. Even if I only do this until I graduate from college (which I have decided will be in ten years), I’ve still been able to accomplish a dream of mine. There’s so much that you can do in this world, and I feel like although I will always be a writer, I might have a greater calling. But, like I said, I’m completely content with doing this right now. Especially since I’m getting the opportunity to write ‘good news’ feature stories, which is what I enjoy.

Like a lot of people, I’ve been thinking about different things that I want to accomplish. I don’t want to focus so hard on graduating and getting a good job when I’m honestly not sure what it is that I want out of life. Because of that, I’m cutting down on the summer classes that I was planning on taking. I’m going to work on perfecting ‘Catch Me When I Fall’ (I found a publisher that seems like a good catch), and I’m going to try to volunteer with the United Way. You have to live in the present and do what you can now, or you’ll just end up regretting it later. I don’t want to regret not trying certain things that could inevitably help me grow as a person. I’m tired of having a list of things that I’d like to do. I want a list of things that I am doing.

Home
Chris Daughtry

I'm staring out into the night / Trying to hide the pain / I'm going to the place where love / And feeling good don't ever cost a thing / And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain / I'm going home / Back to the place where I belong / And where your love has always been enough for me / I'm not running from / No, I think you got me all wrong / I don't regret this life I chose for me / But these places and these faces are getting old / So I'm going home / Well I'm going home / The miles are getting longer, it seems / The closer I get to you / I've not always been the best man or friend for you / But your love, remains true / And I don't know why / You always seem to give me another try / So I'm going home / Back to the place where I belong / And where your love has always been enough for me / I'm not running from / No, I think you got me all wrong / I don't regret this life I chose for me / But these places and these faces are getting old / Be careful what you wish for / 'Cause you just might get it all / You just might get it all / And then some you don't want / Be careful what you wish for / 'Cause you just might get it all / You just might get it all, yeah / Oh, well I'm going home / Back to the place where I belong / And where your love has always been enough for me / I'm not running from / No, I think you got me all wrong / I don't regret this life I chose for me / But these places and these faces are getting old / I said these places and these faces are getting old / So I'm going home / I'm going home

Monday Note: I can't help but link this article. I'm in love. This is as close as I will probably ever get to writing something remotely like a piece that could be found in Seventeen.

It's Down To This

2007-04-17T14:01:00.000-04:00

do something about it
don't just sit and stare
try to make a difference
be the one who cares
we are only mortal
we can't see tomorrow
maybe if we could
there would be no tears, no sorrow
but we do have strength
and there's a lot we can do
our passion can change the world
one day at a time, we'll prove this is true

Financial Aid and Article

2007-04-10T14:11:00.000-04:00

Sunday Update:

Okay, this is the last time that I'm going to link an article. And please ignore the horrible picture that they just had to take of me!

Thursday Update:

I'm going to have to stop posting every time I have an article printed in the paper, but I thought I'd go ahead and link this one.

Okay, Back To The Normal Tuesday Blog:

I'm really mad at financial aid. Well, maybe my anger should be more at the government than financial aid. After all, it's the government that comes up with how college students become independents, right? Well, I am an independent as far as the college is concerned -- or at least I thought I was. Apparently, every single year until I turn 24 (of course, I kind of hope that I'm out of college by then) I have to re-write the letter of my life, explaining why I live with my grandmother and why my living parent cannot fill out the tax information on the FAFSA. This wasn't so bad last year. I wrote them the letter, and that was it. Well, apparently this year, I have to not only write the letter but also send them documentation proving that my grandmother has been my legal guardian since I was a little girl, AND I have to find someone else to write a letter explaining how they know that I am an independent. You see, if I could just have my grandmother put her information on the form, none of this would happen, BUT the government does not consider grandparents OR legal guardians OR foster parents as parents. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't.

On a good note, I had another article published in today's edition of the Times. Of course, I am anything but happy with it. The article on Aly was 100% me. I feel like with this one I made about half of the pizza, and they made the rest. Click here if you want to read it. I'm mad because there are three mistakes in it that I did not make. One of the mistakes makes me very mad because they already did it once in something that they wrote about this production in a previous paper. It's 'Metamorphoses' NOT 'Metamorphosis'. And I knew that. I didn't write it that way. It also sucks that the first three paragraphs are not my writing. But hey, this happens in journalism. You just have to let it go and pray for another article like the one that I wrote on Aly to come along. There will always be some good pizzas and some that really suck.

Confidence & Dedication

2007-04-09T21:01:00.000-04:00

So I got to work today, and after only five minutes of being there, I checked my voicemail and called a woman back who decided to go through a cremation society instead of a funeral home. Now, this isn’t too big of a deal. It’s not like I had to contact Emory like last week, but it is definitely more complex than just dealing with a funeral home. I’ve had to do this about four times since I started working there, and I haven’t had too much trouble with it except for the fact that the people in accounting got a little confused last time. So I was determined to get this right. I made sure that I got all of the information that I needed, and I told the woman that I would call her back after I talked to ‘the powers above me.’ I’ve had so many people tell me that they would hate to have to do this. At first I was a little uncomfortable having to call and talk to people while knowing that someone very dominant in their family has just passed away, but I can handle it now. You just have to say that you’re sorry as many times as you can and explain things as sweetly as possible. Luckily, the woman that I had to talk to was very nice. She did sound a little frazzled, but can you blame her? Anyway, the difficult part when someone is going through a cremation society instead of a funeral home is that you have to have them pay before hand, which means that the obit has to be typed up, and you have to figure out ‘about’ what the cost will be. This involves me running around, going from accounting to the newsroom, to make sure that everything is right. I took my time, and I was so happy when I was finished. I talked to the woman and the cremation society, and both of them were very nice, and no one yelled at anyone! I was so happy! I guess it just goes to show that the guy from Emory was crazy after all.

nineteen and still perfectly imperfect

2007-04-05T21:57:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am officially nineteen. And it is so weird. I feel like when you’re nineteen you’re supposed to know who you are and who you want to be, and I definitely do not know these things yet. I thought that going to college would help me figure everything out, but I think I’m more lost now than I was last year. Of course, being ‘lost’ isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m content with the classes that I’m taking, and I love my job even though I’m not sure if it’s what I want to do with my life. Maybe being ‘lost’ or ‘unsure’ is like being in limbo. I’m not a little kid anymore, but yet I’m not ready to devote my life to a certain career. Limbo’s not so bad. I’d rather take my time than dive into a career that I know I’ll end up drowning in.

I had one of the worst days at work today. I had 21 obits, and I had to do the real estate, but those were the good parts. Long story short, a few things got a little mixed up since I worked on Tuesday, and Katie worked yesterday. I ended up having this guy from Emory University yelling at me over the phone. Now when I say yelling, I really mean SCREAMING! This guy was going crazy, saying things like, "What's wrong with you people! I'm not re-faxing that! You better go and find it now!" He eventually demanded to talk to someone above me. So I was shaking like a leaf and about to cry, and I looked over at Kevin, the editor that sits next to me, and I was like, "Please, take the phone." And he looked at me and was like, "Who is it?" I was in a state of shock or something because I couldn’t answer him. I just told him to take the phone again. So the guy starts yelling at Kevin, and he told him to hold on so that he could go get Mitch, the MAIN editor. So I transferred the guy to Mitch, and he eventually comes out of his office, looks at me (and I know I looked horrible), and he was so mad (at the guy, not me). He totally cussed the guy out, and then he went and called this guy’s supervisor who admitted that the guy has an anger problem. SO he's supposed to be calling me at work tomorrow to apologize, but I’d honestly rather not talk to him again. Mitch was running around cussing like crazy. It was hilarious. It was nice that he stood up for me like that. He told me that there are many assholes in the world, and I shouldn’t have to deal with them. I felt stupid for getting emotional because here I am trying to prove that I can be this strong, responsible journalist, and I cry like a little kid. I try not to let much get to me, but this guy was scary. I’m not joking. Even Kevin agreed that he was crazy.

So is that a part of being in limbo? Learning how to deal? I guess it is. I’m sure going to remember that guy for a while. You would expect people who work in the medical field to be nice.

So what have I realized?

Well…

Next time you talk on the phone whether you’re talking to someone at work or someone that you talk to everyday, say something complementary to them. You never know who may end up yelling at them later. Your kind words could definitely make a difference.

Oh…

And there are assholes in the world, and unfortunately we have to deal with them (but luckily some of us have cool editors who will cuss them out).

But of course, you shouldn't cuss people out. ;)

Friday Update: Well, it ended up being the guy’s boss who called to apologize. Apparently he didn’t trust this guy to apologize on his own. The boss talked to me for at least ten minutes, explaining that this has happened many times before with funeral homes, newspapers, etc. He does have an anger problem, and from what the boss was saying, I think he works in the morgue the majority of the time. So the boss went on and on, and he actually started to stick up for the guy, saying that they’re all stressed because they’re moving into a new building. I told him thank you for calling, but I mean, come on, I’m not going to say that I forgive someone who can’t even give their own apology. This guy is a grown man. From what the boss said, he’s on the verge of retirement. I just hope that they keep him near the non-breathing and away from telephones until he does retire. No one else deserves to be screamed at by him. It honestly was traumatizing. I know it sounds funny, and I can laugh about it, but I definitely will not forget it anytime soon.

I felt horrible at work today. Mostly because I’m still mad that I didn't show that I'm a tough journalist yesterday, but I did have two reruns today, and they weren’t due to the funeral home’s mistake this time. Luckily, I have some really nice editors who understand that I was a little frazzled yesterday. I really like my job, and I like to think that I’m decent at it. This week has just been well, exhausting, terrifying, aggrivating, stressful ... I could go on. My last name is definitely doing me justice. But you know what, it’s okay. It’s the difficult times that we face that make us stronger, right? Well, I'm definitely a little stronger now.

You Know You Live In The South When:

2007-03-26T10:19:00.000-04:00

1. There’s a statue of a chicken downtown.
2. The sign on the plant downtown says "Poultry Capital of the World"
3. ‘Everyone’ is referred to as ‘ya’ll’
4. There seems to be a Zaxby’s on every corner.
5. What’s Grandma? It’s Me-Maw!
6. Streets are named things such as Jot-Em-Down (for those who have a hard time remembering street names)
7. People seem to live on Iced Tea
8. Some guys wear shorts and flip flops all year
9. As you drive to work you realize that Mr. Carter’s chickens got out again, and they’re runnin’ down the road!
10. And when you’re driving down the road, trying to be cautious because there’s a cop next to you, you eventually realize that the cop is waving at you. Hey, you know him!

It's A Bad Idea To...

2007-03-25T11:49:00.000-04:00

Write four articles for two different newspapers on basically the same thing.

I wrote a set design article on 'Metamorphoses' for the Compass, and so I thought it would also be a good idea to write one for the Times. Well, now I'm also having to write another article on 'Metamorphoses' for the Compass and a preview for the Times. As I sit here staring at the set design article that has already been published in the Compass, I'm realizing that agreeing to do so for the Times was a bad idea. I love this idea, and the information that I have is great, but the thought of having to re-work all of this so that the articles do not match is mind boggling. I'm stuck, and I hate it when I get stuck. I almost feel like I'm living a double life. I have my school life and my journalist life. At times it can be fun and easy but at others, it's like I'm trying to juggle two very large plates with a ton of fruit on top of each of them. I've been able to get to the point where I can say, "Okay, this is what I'm doing today, and I will save that for tomorrow..." But it still isn't easy. I have many things that are due for school soon, and I'm trying to get everything accomplished early so that I can actually have a birthday this year. Considering that two of my tests are the day after my birthday, I don't really see this happening. I have an interview on Tuesday with the technical director of 'Metamorphoses' and I really need to get something set up with some of the actors in the play. I'm sure this is going to be a busy week. I wish I could just place this article into some type of machine and have it pop out re-worked and beautiful. Wouldn't it be nice if there were machines that could solve all of our problems?

Mad At Myself

2007-03-20T16:41:00.000-04:00

So I had the dreaded Mass Communication presentation today, and I honestly did everything that I possibly could to make sure that this wouldn't be a train wreck. I even presented it to a class at my high school, and I sounded fine when I did it there. Sure, I was a little nervous at first, but I was able to overcome that after a few slides. Well, I sounded horrible in MY class today, and I'm honestly just glad that it's over. I guess I deserve some props for just going through with it considering I sounded like a mouse on crack. I'm not really sad about it; I'm just mad at myself. I know that the PowerPoint looked really nice, and I know that my information was good. I just wish that I could have sounded decent. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do okay when it comes to public speaking.

Settlin'
-Sugarland -
Fifteen minutes left to throw me together / For mister right now, not mister forever / Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends / Looking like another "maybe we could be friends" / I've been leaving it up to fate / It's my life so it's mine to make / I ain't settling for just getting by / I've had enough so so for the rest of my life / Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high / Just enough ain't enough this time / I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah / With some good red wine and my brand new shoes / Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room / Take a chance on love and try how it feels / With my heart wide open now you know I will / Find what it means to be the girl / Change her mind and change her world / I ain't settling for just getting by / I've had enough so so for the rest of my life / Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high / Just enough ain't enough this time / I ain't settling for anything less than everything

Judgement Day

2007-03-19T10:57:00.000-04:00

The article that I worked on until one o'clock in the morning last Friday was in today's edition of the paper. Click here to check it out. They (the editors) really liked it, which makes me extremely relieved, and they didn't change much (just little things), which kind of shocks me. I've never been the best at editing. Anyway, it was very rewarding to see that in today's paper. I'm excited.

This week is judgement week for me. I have a paper and presentation due tomorrow and a test on Thursday, and that's just one of my classes. I've been practicing so hard for this presentation. I really hope that I'll do well on it.

Anyway, I have to get to work, but I wanted to post the article on here.

Have a great day! :)

P.S. I found this interesting/humorous:

Career Inventory Test Results

Extroversion		26%
Emotional Stability		36%
Orderliness		86%
Altruism		60%
Inquisitiveness		33%

You are a Guardian, possible professions include - counseling, ministry, library work, nursing , secretarial, curators, bookkeepers, dental hygienists, computer operator, personnel administrator, paralegal, real estate agent, artist, interior decorator, retail owner, musician, elementary school teacher, physical therapist, nurse, social worker, personnel counselor, alcohol/drug counselor.

Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Gaining Experience

2007-03-16T13:07:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I traveled to one of my alma mater's rival schools to do an interview for the Times. A mix of excitement and nervousness ran over me, but there was no reason for me to be scared. I feel like I've been writing articles for my entire life, but yet, it feels like it was just yesterday that I was writing an advice column for the school newspaper my sophomore year. I like to think that I can say that I AM a journalist. No more I-want-to-be...

It was so cool when the woman in the front office radioed the principal and was like, "Jennifer Messer, a reporter for the Times, is here." Reporter? From the Times? This is still mind boggling to me. Just a year ago I was a senior in high school who only dreamed of working at a paper. Even just last fall I was working at the good ol' shoe store, wondering if I was going to be stuck there for the next five years.

Well, now I'm at the paper, and although I am more confused than I’ve ever been as to what I want to do with my life, I’m content with not being content at the moment. I’m just glad that I have the chance to decide whether or whether not this is the right career for me. There are things that I absolutley love about it, but at the same time, there are so many things that make me unsure if it's the right fit.

The interview was so much fun. The article is about a seventh grader who won a science competition (more like two science competitions – she’ll be going to the third level at the end of the month), AND she also won a scholarship to a summer camp at Georgia Tech. I’m going to stop before I basically write the entire article on here, but needless to say, I had a lot of fun. This is the type of thing that I like to write about.

Livin' For Today

2007-03-15T13:03:00.000-04:00

I feel like I haven’t posted a blog in forever. The past two weeks have been flying by. Last week was my spring break, but it honestly didn’t feel like it. I spent my "free" time reading the most boring book ever and doing a presentation at the high school. Other than that, I wrote about dead people (the norm) and slept as much as I could. It was nice not having to wake up at six o’clock.

This week has been pretty hectic, but hectic in a good way (if there is such a thing). I was able to have dinner with Cindy, which is something that we’ve wanted to do for a while now, and get this, I learned how to fish! I’ve only been fishing once in my entire life (besides yesterday). When I was younger and I lived with my mother, my stepfather liked to go fishing. We lived on the lake in Snellville, so that made it easy. Well, one day, my stepfather and some of his friends went out in our boat to go fishing, and I stayed at the dock with my own little fishing rod. My mother was inside the house, and I felt something tugging on the line, so I started screaming for her to come outside. I was the ONLY person who caught a fish that day.

So, why am I suddenly picking up fishing again? Well, it’s a requirement at the college to take two PE classes. One has to be the run-of-the-mill PE/Health, and the other can be whatever you want. They have many odd classes at GSC, and one of them is bait casting. It’s during the Maymester session (which means it’s only four days long), so I figured I might as well get that second PE over with considering I’m not too fond of PE, and why not try something new? So that’s why Heather and I decided to go fishing yesterday. Her father (who actually has a fishing license) went with us as well as her mom, and I was surprised by how much fun I had. Heather had fun laughing at me at first because the line ended up only a foot away from me, but after a while, I got it out pretty far. We never caught anything, but Heather’s dad was close once. Either way, I’m glad that I was able to try something new. I posted some pictures on my flickr, so go check them out.

Work has been very odd this week. I only had six "victims" on Monday and five on Tuesday, which is peculiar on it’s own. Then Kevin asks me if I want to write a feature story on this girl from West Hall Middle School who won a science fair competition. SO I will be going over to the middle school around three to do the interview. I’m excited, but at the same time, I’m very nervous. Kevin was all like, "I’m sure you’ll be fine, and if you do well, we’ll be asking you to write more things." So basically I CAN’T mess this up. The word count is about 400, which will be pretty difficult for me. I can’t even get some of my articles for the Compass down to 500. I think I’m more excited than nervous though; this is the type of thing that I like writing about. I love being able to make people "shine."

School is so-so right now. It’s one of those points when you’re turning many things in and getting many assignments at the same time. My Mass Comm. presentation is next Tuesday, and I’m really hoping that I don’t faint/throw up. I’m confident about the information; it’s just projecting it out of my mouth that’s the problem. Coach Whitlow (from the high school) said that I did really well, and I like to think that I did okay at the high school, but it was the high school. Presenting in front of my class is a different story. But hey, it’s ten minutes of my life. Even if it ends up being ten crappy minutes of my life, it will eventually be over.

Well, I think I’ve filled you in on enough for now.

And in addition to my previous blog, I’m still mad that Veronica Mars has vanished from television land for the time being. They also took Heroes away until the middle of April, so I’m having television withdrawals.

My Current Anger Toward Television

2007-03-03T16:17:00.000-05:00

The CW's Veronica Mars has gained an enormous following during its almost three-season life. It's managed to rise above other used-to-be WB shows such as Gilmore Girls and Smallville, and it's been praised by television critics everywhere.

So they decide to put it on a hiatus?

Oh yeah, that makes real sense.

The new reality show The Search for The Next Pussycat Doll will be taking Veronica Mars' spot on Tuesday nights at nine o'clock.

Now whose bright idea was that? Take one of top teen television dramas and cast it off on a ship for who knows how long only to replace it with yet ANOTHER reality TV show? Sure, watching a bunch of half-naked girls try to become the next "pussy cat" might get more drooling males glued to the tube on Tuesday nights, but what about the faithful Veronica Mars fans that have made the show what it is today?

They're not going to be too happy.

This also means that the CW will be running The Search For The Next Pussycat Doll and America's Next Top Model only one day apart. Doesn't America have enough reality TV shows?

Personally, I'm hoping that the CW realizes that they've made a stupid decision. Until then, I'll be waiting for Veronica Mars to come back to TV land.

And I WON'T have my television on at nine o'clock on Tuesdays.

Hello Writing World

2007-03-02T13:19:00.000-05:00

I recently worked on getting the first four chapters of my next potential novel ready to send off to agents and publishers across the United States. I wrote a query letter and a synopsis and a part of me still can’t believe that this is finally happening.

This novel has been in the works for almost four years now. I came up with the idea when I was a sophomore, but I didn’t start writing until I was a junior. I began writing it in journal-form, but after a few months of writing and a few months of completely ignoring it, I decided that wasn’t the route that I wanted to take. I then started completely over the second semester of my senior year with the same idea but different characters and more experiences (from my own life) to add to the plot. I finished the novel over the summer, and there were plenty of times when I wanted to just crack this all up to being an "experience."

Of course, that’s not really my nature.

I want to have this novel published. The only thing that’s really stopping me is the nagging question of whether or whether not it’s really good enough. This isn’t like Blend or Out of the Ordinary. I really have to charm someone through my writing, and I honestly don’t know if this creation of mine will do that. I think about some of the novels that I’ve read over the years, and there are a select few that I can’t help but wonder how they got published. Someone who has read the majority of my third novel once said to me, "Have you read some of the things that they put on shelves in bookstores these days? If those books are there, yours can be too."

It would make me extremely happy to see one of my books actually on a shelf in a bookstore. Just thinking about it makes me smile. No matter how inferior I feel and no matter how much I’d like to just put things aside and say that I’ll do this when I’m older, I know that I’m meant to do this now. Even if I did try to put my writing aside, I honestly don’t think it would work.

So my English professor read the first four chapters and edited them for me. Everyone who reads something that you write is going to have something different to change about it or something else to say. I honestly don’t want to change too much because I feel like that’s taking my voice away. I look at novels by Meg Cabot, and I’m amazed by the way that she can just write freely, and it seems like she doesn’t worry about doing things "correctly." That’s how I want to write. That’s how I like to write. I might start rambling at times, and I might not make complete sense at others, but depending on the novel and the characters that are in it, I believe that that’s what you have to do. I want people to be able to relate to what I write. I don’t want my characters to be perfect just as much as I don’t want my writing to be perfect.

And yeah, I may never be on the New York Times Bestseller list or in Oprah’s book club, but I don’t need that to feel like a successful writer. Every single time someone tells me that they like something that I’ve written, I feel accomplished. When I think back to the days that Blend and Out of the Ordinary were published, I know that I didn’t take what people were saying seriously. How could someone, especially someone older, honestly love a novel written by a thirteen-year-old? I still, to this day, can’t answer this question. Back then I was just a girl who loved to write.

And I’m still that girl today.