Anna's Limbo
I watched as Jackson kept his gaze on the gray marble gravestone. It was as if he was caught in a trance – a trance that was lasting well over three hours.As the gravestone sparkled in the summer daylight, Jackson gently ran his fingers across the name engraved on it.
Anna Gilbert.
I tried to reach out to Jackson. I tried so desperately to touch his face – to embrace him – but all of my attempts failed miserably. After all, I was Anna Gilbert, and I had to face the highly frustrating fact that I was dead. But I wasn’t just dead. Oh no, being dead is simple. I was caught in limbo, a complex place for dead folks who aren’t quite ready to move on yet.
But who really wants to move on? You better believe I wasn’t ready to do so. I was twenty-three years old, and I had only been married for four months. I had a good, stable job, and Jackson, my husband, loved me more than anything. I deserved my very own happily ever after, but apparently fate didn’t agree.
So how did I die? I wish I could answer that. The last few days of my life were gone from my memory when I entered limbo. I’ve tried to figure out what happened – to overhear a conversation about the circumstances of my death – but I haven’t had any luck. Limbo can be tricky. One minute I may be by my gravestone. The next minute I may be in my house. It’s as if I am placed wherever I need to be, which is usually right near Jackson.
I wished that he could see me. I wished that I could tell him that I love him with all of my heart. But, of course, you learn quickly when you are in limbo that you cannot do what you want. After all, you’re not real anymore, and that is very difficult to come to terms with.
As Jackson finally stood up, he remained still and looked down at the gravestone for quite some time. Every now and then a tear would appear at the crease of his left eye, and I would try to stop it as it slid like a river tube down his cheek. Unfortunately, I couldn’t touch anything. My hand would even go straight through my marble gravestone.
Jackson took a deep breath in and turned around to walk toward his car, and like a flash of light, I was back in our home – in our bedroom to be exact. Jackson walked in the room a few minutes after I appeared there.
I love you, I whispered.
Jackson’s tired eyes rested on a photograph of the two of us. He picked up the frame with his right hand and then folded his left hand into a tight fist. He closed his eyes in agony.
“Why you, Anna?” he asked. “It should have been me – not you.”
I ran over to Jackson and watched as his eyes opened slowly.
It shouldn’t have been either of us, I said.
Jackson placed the picture back down and walked over to my dresser. He opened the first drawer, and a crooked smile formed on his face. I didn’t have to look in the dresser to know what he was looking at. It was my goofy reindeer socks. He always made fun of me when I wore them around the house during Christmas.
Jackson closed the first drawer and opened the second. It was my underwear drawer. Even in limbo I had to laugh to myself that he was looking in there. Jackson moved a few things around and noticed a folded piece of paper near the back of the drawer. He took the piece of paper in his hands, and I smiled. Jackson had found a buried treasure.
He unfolded the piece of paper and began to read to himself:
Dear Jackson,
Well, mister, if you have found this letter, you have obviously been snooping in my underwear drawer. Tisk. Tisk. Still, I figured this could be an interesting place where I could hide a secret note to you. We will see how long it takes for you to find it. I want you to know that I love you so much. I love you more than chocolate covered strawberries and the smell after it rains in the summer. And you know how much I love those things. I will always be yours, and I will always be the happiest girl in the world because I am yours. You have such a big heart, and I hope that you never change because the man that I fell in love with is kind, generous, and literally, one in a million.
I will always love you. Forever.
-Anna
As tears began to fall on the piece of paper, Jackson wiped his eyes, sniffed, and looked up at the ceiling.
“I will never stop loving you, Anna,” he said. “I promise you.”
As I heard those words, I smiled, and with a heart consumed with love, I was ready to let go and enter the gates of Heaven.
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