Big Black Question Mark
Lately, I've been having bad dreams at night and pleasant daydreams when the sun is actually out. All of these dreams continue to consist of things that haven’t happened and people I don’t know.So why is this happening? What is fielding the scary and unpleasant dreams that I have at night?
I know the answer. It’s what has been in the back of my mind for a while and what will continue to lurk there until I get the answers that I need this summer. This fall currently yields a big, black question mark. Sure, I know which college I will be at, but I have no idea what my schedule is going to be like, and I’m pretty sure that by that time, I will have a new job.
Change has always scared me. Of course, this is not only change ... it’s a BIG change. I’ve been in the comforting arms of Gainesville State College for almost three years now (yes, that makes me feel a little pathetic that I’ve been there THAT long, but oh well), and now I’m going to be moving on to a school that is very different.
I’ve talked to people who have left Gainesville and gone to different schools and so many of them talk about how they hate their new university, and they wish they were back at GSC.
I already know that this will be me next fall. Although some people talk about GSC being “Just Gainesville,” I have had a very rewarding and wonderful experience there. Yes, it has been difficult. Yes, I have had professors that I’ve disliked with a passion. But I’ve also made a few very good friends, learned interesting things not only in class but also about myself, and I’ve had some very cool professors that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
I know that it’s time for me to move on. I want to be successful next fall, and I don’t want the idea of change to get to me. I also would like a good job, and that scares me because I have NO idea what I’m going to do, and I REALLY don’t want to go back to retail.
I guess what I’m struggling with is the fact that all I can really do is wait. I have to wait until next fall to actually experience what it’s like at a new school. I have to wait until this summer to be able to sign up for classes, which will then tell me if I need to quit the job that I’m currently at and look for a new one with a different schedule.
I don’t like waiting … or question marks … or the bad dreams that have been haunting me.
So even if I can’t have the answers that I need right now, hopefully I can find some peace of mind … soon.
***
"Hold on, baby, you're losing it
"Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go ... and no one knows
You cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone"
~Taylor Swift
~Taylor Swift
